


All The Mistakes I've Made

by mukeofficial



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 02:00:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3156776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukeofficial/pseuds/mukeofficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After spending over a week separated from Michael when he lost his passport in the States, Luke was relieved to finally be reunited with him. But after spending some more time with his best friend, Luke realizes his feelings for Michael are a lot stronger than he ever intended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first fic on ao3. Hope you enjoy! xx

Luke was awakened by the thud of the plane hitting the ground, alerting him that they had arrived in the states. He was jetlagged and groggy. The only thing that kept him from falling back asleep was remembering that he would be reunited with Michael within a matter of minutes. The thought suddenly made Luke feel wide awake.

It had been over a week since he had last seen Michael – and for Luke that was just too damn long. Luke had to go straight from spending nearly every waking moment with Michael for the past 3+ years to suddenly not being in touching or travel distance of him. He hadn’t expected it to be that hard of a transition; he even thought it might be healthy for their friendship to spend some forced time apart. But halfway into their time apart and 5 Facetimes, 3 phone calls and hundreds of texts later, Luke realized his codependency of Michael might be a problem he wasn’t ready to face any time soon. Calum and Ashton teased him relentlessly about his inability function alone properly without the red haired boy by his side, and Luke just joked along with them. If he had let them know it was actually a big deal to Luke, he would never hear the end of it from them.

All of that was in the past now. Michael got a new passport, and Luke was about to see his face in person, and not over a shitty-iphone-facetime-resolution that Luke had realized didn’t do proper justice to Michael’s eyes. Green eyes that shined when he was excited about something or shut tight when he laughed genuinely. It also didn’t do justice to his pale but soft skin, or his fluffy hair – and don’t get Luke started on how much he missed the cuddles. Calum and Ashton just don’t seem to know how to do it right, and even if they did it wouldn’t be the same as Michaels.

“Ready to see YOUR boy, Lukey?” Calum pestered Luke, as he stood up from the seat behind Luke to get his carry-on luggage from the space above them. Luke was ripped away from his thoughts of Michael’s body to focus on a wide awake Calum that hovered above him. He realized that Calum must have seen Luke whip out his phone to text Michael that they were here the moment the plane stopped moving. 

“What?” Luke responding, pretending to still be half asleep.

Calum put a hand on Luke’s shoulder, grinning wickedly. “As good as an actor as you might think you are, Hemmings, you know good and well Ash and I have both noticed you being more homesick about not being with Michael for a week then you ever have been about not seeing your damn family for months. And because I know it’s been hitting you the hardest, I’ll even let you get the first hug, as long as it stays g-rated.”

Luke definitely did not blush when Calum said that.

“Excuse me,” Ashton interjected as he approached them from the back of the plane, all carry-ons in his hands. He was wide awake as well, and Luke just didn’t understand it. Calum and Ashton seemed to always be awake and alert at the most stupid times. He and Michael had concluded that this was the result of Michael and Luke being night owls and Calum and Ashton being early birds.

“I think it’s safe to say I miss Michael the most.” Ashton argued, tone sounding very serious but his face saying otherwise, making eye contact with Luke, trying to get a reaction out of him. “I’ve definitely tweeted him the most since we’ve been gone. The first hug belongs to ME!”

“Bullshi-” Luke interrupted himself by accidentally hitting his head in the lowered ceiling above him, not ducking enough as he tried to get out of his seat. Ashton let out a loud laugh that echoed through the plane, and Calum began laughing too, more at Ashton’s laugh than anything else. Luke found himself laughing with them.

Being with just Ashton and Calum wasn’t all bad. It wasn’t bad at all. It would have been just so much better with Michael.

~~~

Luke’s eyes whipped around the airport, searching for a 6 foot man-boy with red hair. Luke already loved Michael’s crazy colored hair, but it especially came in handy at times like this. It was late afternoon, around 5pm, and Luke was surprised at the lack of fans waiting for them at the airport. Maybe they’re all at the entrance waiting for them there, he thought to himself. Or maybe they looked at the temperature and thought “fuck it” and went home. That’s what Luke would’ve done himself if he say the weather drop below 30F. He was about to ask Ashton what he thought it was when Calum’s voice rang in his right ear. “Oh, there’s that fucker.”

About 20 meters ahead of them was a red-headed boy in a black snapback, with a smile on his face that was so big it looked like it could swallow him whole. He was wearing a denim jacket and black skinny jeans as always, and to Luke he looked like an angel sent from heaven, walking right towards him. Luke wanted to run straight for him and jump into his arms, curling himself around the red headed boy like a koala on a tree branch. But then he noticed that Michael had begun slow-motion running towards them, contorting his face into funny expressions to get a laugh out of them. And they all laughed. Luke laughed the hardest, of course, but he was sure no one else noticed. They all joined in, slow motion running and making the most god-awful embarrassing faces they could muster. When they were within 5 meters of each other they broke into a real run, into each other’s arms. Michael had one arm wrapped around Calum’s shoulder and one wrapped around Ashton’s. His face settled in Luke’s neck, his hair fluffed around and under Luke’s chin, and his closed eyes were pressed to the skin of Luke’s neck. Luke bet that felt good to Michael, the feel of a familiar face’s skin to theirs, calming and relaxing them.

Words flowed out of Michael’s mouth so fast and full of love, saying over and over, “ohmygodimissedyouguyssomuch” “iwassobored” and “donteverdothattomeagain”. They stayed like that for god knows how long until Calum complained he couldn’t breathe. When they pulled apart, Michael immediately pulled Calum into a suffocating hug, squeezing is middle against himself as hard as he could. Luke remembered Calum’s words on the plane, about Luke being the first to hug Michael properly. Luke didn’t know why it bothered him so much that Calum didn’t keep his promise. It wasn’t even really his fault, Michael pulled him into it. Even after considering that, a wave of jealousy still flushed over Luke.

After Calum begged for his body back, Michael let go and went straight for Ashton, laughing loudly at the noise Ashton made – somewhere between a laugh and a yelp – from the surprise of Michael’s sudden hug-attack. Now Luke was downright annoyed. Did any of these boys make any sort of effort near to the one Luke made to keep in touch with Michael since they left? No. Luke was pretty sure they only time they talked to Michael besides twitter or an occasional text was once on the phone when Luke basically forced them to. And here Michael was, taking them into these award-winning hugs before even acknowledging Luke properly. Calum must’ve seen the annoyance in Luke’s eyes, because he giggled quietly and put one hand on the blonde boy’s shoulder, massaging it gently, as if to say to Luke, “Be patient.”

Michael finally let go of the curly-headed boy and looked Luke straight on. Before Michael could pounce on him, Luke held out a hand. Michael stared at it in confusion.

“Mr. Clifford, good to see you again,” Luke said with a straight face, looking directly into Michael’s eyes, then taking his whole face in. He was even more gorgeous than when he left him. He looked like he had slept well and hadn’t been moping the whole time away from Luke, unlike a certain blond boy had spent his time while away from a red headed beauty. Michael’s face seemed to be a mixture of confusion and amusement now. He finally took Luke’s hand.

“Same to you, Mr. Hemmings.” He did his best to mimic the serious voice Luke had mustered when he said it to Michael. The two didn’t break eye contact or character until they heard Ashton’s giggles coming from Luke’s left. A smile slowly crept onto Luke’s face.

“Oh shut up,” Michaels entire face broke into a smile as he pulled luke in and hugged him properly. Unlike the other boys, Michael wrapped his arms around Luke’s neck and sunk into him, seemingly putting all his weight onto Luke’s body. Luke was perfectly okay with that. The weight of Michael’s body on his own was the most reassuring thing Luke had felt in days. “Loser.” Michael whispered into Luke’s collar bone as he turned his head to the side, getting as close to Luke as physically possible. Luke didn’t want this hug to end. Not right now, not maybe ever.

“Ahem,” Calum had his arms crossed and was staring at the two of them. Ashton was next to him now, doing the same. “As sweet of a reunion as this is, I have probably never been hungrier than I am right now in my entire life span. Can we go get something to eat?”

“Calum, there is not a moment that passes on earth when you’re not hungry.” Michael argued, the vibrations from his voice go across Luke’s chest as he talks, and Luke swears this is better than any therapy out there.

“Not true!”

“Totally true.” Ashton argues, taking Michael’s side. 

“That’s not fair, Ashton. You were literally complaining 30 minutes ago on the plane about how all airline pretzels taste like cardboard to you now, and that you would kill for a slice of pizza.”

At the sound of pizza, Michael’s head snapped up and there was a space between Luke and Michael again. Their hug hadn’t completely broken yet, but Michael’s attention had easily been diverted.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t hungry, Calum. I was merely agreeing that you were ALWAYS hungry. There’s no satisfying the hunger inside you.”  
“But these accusations are lies!”

“They’re absolute true, every single one of them!”

“How the hell did you survive a week alone with these two?!” Michael said in a low enough voice, so only Luke could hear. He then rested his head on the blond boy’s chest, eyes still focused on the two arguing next to them, and Luke rested his own head on Michael’s.

“Let’s just say you owe me.” 

~~~

45 minutes later and the four boys are sitting in a divey pizza shop in a remote part of NYC. Luke doesn’t know how they avoided all the fans, but they somehow managed to. Calum and Ashton sat across from Michael and Luke, and their booth was so small that their knees were constantly knocking into each other. Luke didn’t mind, though. He also didn’t mind having to sit close enough to sit close enough to Michael that their thighs touched and heat was shared between them. Luke had never been more comfortable.

“What’s up with these booths being made for toddlers?” Calum complained as he contorted his body to find a comfortable position. Ashton finally caved and rested his arm behind Calum’s shoulders, giving him more room. Calum smiled pleasantly.

“Shut up already,” Michael’s voice fired. “You complain not even 5 minutes after seeing me that you’re hungry as shit, and I bring you to New York’s finest pizza parlor and you complain about the goddam seats!” Michael’s eyes didn’t leave his phone in his hand the entire time he spoke. Calum had his mouth hung open in surprise, while Ashton’s grin grew twice in size.

“Damn, Clifford,” Ashton said in a weird attempt at a southern North American accent. “Solitary confinement in the US has changed you.”

“Hell yeah it has,” Michael was now smirking and looking at all of them. “Without you three morons constantly fighting for my attention I was able to place it elsewhere. Did you know that, like, going to a film by yourself is a thing? That people actually do that, and don’t have their friends constantly whispering snarky remarks in their ears?”

“Aren’t you the one usually making the snarky remarks?” Luke finally chimed in.

“Don’t tell lies, Lucas.” Michael literally waved Luke’s comment out of the air with his hand. “The point is, I went and saw a film properly for the first time.”

“Wow, we leave you for a week and you’re out and about, seeing FILMS? And by YOURSELF?!’ Ashton dramatized his voice and fake gasp, making Michael roll his eyes, while Luke and Calum giggle. “Michael, I’d say you’re out of control.”

“’Michael’s Gone Wild’.” Calum finally chirped back in, his feelings slowly healing from Michael’s earlier attack on them.

“It wasn’t just films, guys, it was—i—” Michael fell back in his seat and covered his face with his hands. Luke could see the smile on his face, and knew there was nothing to worry about. “You guys know what I mean. It was just nice to focus on myself, y’know, and get away from the craziness a bit.”

“We were just teasing you, Michael.” Ashton said. “Trust me, I’m jealous of all the time you got to yourself. It sounds very peaceful and relaxing.”

“Thanks Ash.”

“I’m gonna need to see me one of them films by myself u keep mentioning.” Ashton said in the same southern USA accent as earlier, through a dimply grin. That sent Calum over the edge in laughed, leading to Luke and Michael joining in.

“You guys suck.” Michael concluded, looking around the pizza parlor, probably wondering why it was taking so long to get two pizzas out to the only 4 boys in the place.

“And to think we thought you missed us.” Luke said, crossing his arms and shaking his head at Michael.

“Correction: I missed YOU.” Michael poked Luke’s ribs and Luke felt a warm feeling shooting out into every place in his body from the spot Michael had touched him, which made Luke blush subtly. “Who the hell was I supposed to lie awake at night with and talk to about how much we hate the bass player and drummer in our band!?”

“Rude.” Calum huffed as he unraveled his silverware from the napkin.

Their pizza came out shortly after, and the boys dug in. They fell into silence as they consumed what Luke began to believe was heaven. It was probably the most delicious slice of pizza he had ever consumed. Michael was right—and Luke began to wonder how many times Michael ahd visited this place in the few days he was here without the rest of his band. Calum and Michael were already on their second slice, while Ashton and Luke were finishing up their first when Michael spoke again.

“I just remembered some news I have to tell you guys!” Michael’s face was completely lit up and his eyes were shining. Luke loved when Michael was excited about things. When he was excited, his energy spread to every part of the band and made everyone in a better mood overall.

“Taylor invited us to her birthday party tomorrow.”

Luke’s hand froze in midair, still holding a half-eaten piece of pizza halfway up to his face. Ashton looked up with a surprised-but-not-shocked look on his face, while Calum wasn’t looking at Michael. He was looking at Luke.

“Why they hell would she invite us?” Ashton said, not in an angry tone but in a confused one. He continued eating his pizza while Calum and Luke were still paused. 

“We’re twitter besties now, remember!?” Michaels eyes hadn’t lost their excitement, though the rest of his band had obviously lost theirs. “We’ve been DMing the last few days, and she brought it up and invited us all.”

A moment of silence passed between the four of them, none of the 3 making eye contact with Michael the whole time. When the Taylor thing began, Michael was completely off guard by THE Taylor Swift tweeting at him. When she tweeted him a second time was when Michael fell in love. The rest of the band—even Luke—had teased him about how obsessed with her he was and how much of a nerd he was for getting so excited. Luke had even asked Michael when the wedding was, resulting in a pillow being thrown across the room into Luke’s back when he was turned around.

It wasn’t until Michael couldn’t shut up about it that three boys began to become indignant of the whole ordeal. When Ashton finally brought up that Michael was becoming annoying with the whole thing, Michael fought back, saying that this whole “twitter besties” thing or whatever Michael called it was doing wonderful free promo for the band. Calum had told Michael to not make it about the band because this was just between him and her, not her and the rest of them. Michael ended up going to his room early that night, only to result in Luke following him and calming him down with endless cuddles. Luke might have agreed with Ash and Cal, about Michael’s obsession becoming an annoyance, but he hated seeing Michael worked up more than he hated see Michael become obsessed with someone else.

Someone who wasn’t him.

“Look, guys, no one’s making any of you go.” Michael sounded hurt, but not like he was trying to guilt them. He wouldn’t do that to them. “I was just letting you know that she invited us. And I’m definitely going, whether you guys decide to join me or not.”

“Michael…” Calum began, but Ashton interrupted.

“Mike, it’s not about Taylor. I would love to go if I wasn’t jetlagged as fuck and probably going to go back to the hotel right after the gig tomorrow to sleep. I would love to go to wish her a happy birthday and all that, so please don’t take it personally but—”

“I’ll go.” Luke heard himself say, and all three heads whipped around to face Luke. Luke only looked at Michael, and the smile on his face was worth it.

“There’s that party animal in you I know.” Michael swung his arm around Luke’s shoulder and pulled him in for an awkward half hug in the booth they were in. “Thank you.” He said genuinely, and the warm feeling from early crept inside Luke’s heart again.

“I’ll go too.” Calum said with a smile. “That way when you’re snogging Taylor, Luke will have someone to talk to instead of twiddling his thumbs.”

Ashton laughed and Michael told him to shut up for possibly the 3 time that night already. The warmness in Luke’s heart was gone and replaced with another feeling, something dark and cold. When Luke looked at Calum he was looking right back, and gave him a warm but subtle smile and winked, which Luke didn’t understand, but didn’t have time to question it before Michael clapped his hands together.

“Well, 2/3 isn’t so bad! I’ll take it!” He took another bite of pizza. “This calls for a celebration!”

“What kind of celebration?” Luke and Ashton asked at once.

“I was thinking ice cream, what about you guys?”

“Uuughgh.” The inhuman sound came from what Luke believed to be Calum’s mouth. “I can’t fit anything else in me. Roll me to the hotel.”

“Cal, you ate 2 pieces of pizza,” Michael noted.

“Weren’t you starving an hour ago?” Luke questioned.

“I came out here to have a good time, and I hones—” Ashton punched him in the side and Calum doubled over, but was laughing with the rest of them nonetheless. The boys decided that going back to the hotel was the best decision Calum has ever made, and they got up to leave. 

Even though Luke had room in his stomach, he was happy they weren’t going out for ice cream. He had lost his appetite.

~~~

After what seemed like a million years, Luke and Michael were finally alone in their room. It was only about 8 pm, but Luke was on London time, and all he wanted was to lie in bed and not wake up until an hour before their show the next day. 

But not until he cuddled with Michael.

The blond boy stripped into his underwear and crawled under the covers of his bed and looked across the room at Michael. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, indulged in whatever was on the screen of his phone. Luke then remembered Taylor, and sadness crept into his soul. He didn’t have anything against Taylor. She was an extremely talented artist. He just didn’t like sharing Michael’s attention with her.

“Hey, Luke?”

Luke just realized that Michael was staring at him from his position at the end of the bed. His expression was soft, and Luke was full of fondness for him.

“Yes?”

“I…uhm…” Michael trailed off, breaking the eye contact with Luke. When Michael did look back, Luke had extended his arms out in front of him, wide open, an invitation for Michael to join Luke in bed.

Michael eagerly ripped off his clothes – literally, Luke thought he might’ve heard a rip in Michael’s skinny jeans as he ripped them off – pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and then jumped on the bed with Luke, shaking the whole bedframe. He got under the covers and nestled into Luke’s embrace. Luke held him close to him, Michael’s hot breath on Luke’s bare chest, pulling his arms close to his body to scoot as close to Luke as possible. 

Luke stroked his hair and breathed out, “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know.” The red haired boy sighed out. “I just…are you sure you’re okay with going tomorrow night? Because, like I said, you totally don’t have to. I was just passing the offer on.”  
It was Luke’s turn to sigh. He loved Michael to death – a love that seemed to be growing exponentially in the last few days to be in fact – and he would do anything to make him happy. Michael might not be mad at the boys for not going with him, but he would definitely be sad about it. Luke didn’t like the idea of a sad Michael.

“Of course,” Luke responded. He knew that response wouldn’t be good enough for Michael, so he continued speaking. “I think the Cal and Ash just miss you, Michael, and they want to spend as much time as you as possible. I know I sure as hell do. And they probably just felt bad that the first night we’ll be reunited without being overwhelmingly jetlagged you invite them to go to a party filled with no one they know or even remotely know. They just want to spend time with you.”

“Oh god,” Michael responded after a few seconds of silence, “Is that true? Did I really do the worst thing a best friend could do to his only 3 real friends in the world? Do they hate me now Luke!?”

“Shhhhhhh,” Luke shushed Michael by holding him tighter, wrapping his arms around his back, feeling the tense muscles grow more relaxed at Luke’s touch. He loved this side of Michael – vulnerable. It was something Luke so rarely saw in him; in fact, the only time he saw it was when Michael was in Luke’s arms. “No one hates you. We all laughed on the way back from the pizza parlor together didn’t we?”

“Yeah,” Michael whispered, but Luke wasn’t completely convinces he was fine.

“And did you see the look of relief and appreciation on Ashton’s face when you gave him the sweats he accidentally left with you when we went to London!? He was probably near tears, that guy.”

Michael was now smiling and chuckling. “Yeah, what a dweeb.”

“And Calum said he would go to the party with a smile on his face.” Luke smiled down at Michael and Michael looked back up at him and—

Suddenly, the world stopped.

Luke stared at the boy he was holding in his arms. Usually he would admire his hair or his eyes or his button nose, but Luke wasn’t looking at any of those. He was looking at Michael’s lips. Dark, dark pink lips, that looked puffy and sweet. They probably tasted sweet, Luke thought. They were so close, under the blankets, and Luke was so close to naked. Michael was too, except for the baggy sweatpants he wore that Luke could’ve sworn were his but he didn’t care right now. His mind was too busy taking Michael in, all his body heat rushing into Luke’s body curled around him. Luke began to feel like he was sweating, in the middle of the winter lying in bed with his best friend. What the hell was going on?

“Did you hear what I said?” Michael asked.

“W-What?” Luke said, not taking his eyes off Michael’s lips.

Michael chuckled again. “You need sleep, my friend. All I was saying is that you were right, and I was overthinking, but what’s new?”

Luke managed to fake laugh and drag his eyes away from Michael’s lips to look at something across the room, to focus on anything, anything besides Michael’s lips or anything Michael. Luke wouldn’t know what to tell Michael if all of a sudden Luke was sporting a hard-on while comforting Michael about his worries.

“Thank you, by the way.” Michael said, shoving his head under Luke’s chin and into his neck, nestling there. Luke wasn’t sure that was the best idea, for anyone involved.  
“What?” Luke’s voice sounded hoarse and distracted, but Michael didn’t notice.

“For contacting me so much while you were gone.” Michael was whispering so quietly Luke almost didn’t hear him. “You kept me…grounded. And missing you like crazy. I meant what I said at the pizza joint earlier, how I really only missed you. Well, you the most, at least. You just…always make me feel better. You mean the world to me, Lucas.”

Luke’s heart was swelling. No, seriously, Michael’s words were literally all filling and expanding Luke’s heart Luke was sure he was going to have a heart attack. He was so fucking fond of Michael. Nothing he could say could correctly get what he actually wanted to say to Michael across correctly. He needed to say something, though—Michael deserved something.

Before he could think of anything to say, he felt Michael shift slightly to turn the lamp off on the table next to him, only to return and push his back against Luke’s warm chest and settling their, ending with saying “Goodnight, Lukey.”

“Goodnight, Mikey.” Luke managed to force out. He wondered if Michael would actually be able to fall asleep, considering it was still close to 8 and he wasn’t jetlagged like the rest of them. The slight headache that clogged Luke’s brain demanded no more thoughts for tonight, and that the best thing for him to do now was to sleep. So he did, one lazy arm around Michael, and the other close to his heart, now beating in the same rhythm as Michael’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments/kudos or hit me up on my [tumblr!](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

The gig they played the next day was Luke’s favorite gig they had played in a while, of course the reason being Michael. Luke actually didn’t have to worry about singing some of Michael’s parts in the songs, as well as learning some of the difficult guitar parts the blond would NEVER be able to play correctly. Michael also just brought some of the energy to the band that made the whole performance perfect. Performing has a sort of chemistry to it, Luke believes, and if one thing is missing then the whole thing is fucked. Luke also didn’t mind having the red haired boy there to make silly faces at whenever he wanted to, receiving a rolled-eye expression in return.

 

Like he’s stated a thousand times, he just really missed Michael. Though the situation that happened in Luke’s bed last night would beg to differ. It really wasn’t odd for Luke and Michael to fall asleep in the same bed together—it happened probably as much as it didn’t happen. It wasn’t sleeping in the same bed that bothered Luke; it was Luke almost getting hard for his best friend. THAT was something that had been happening a lot more recently before they separated, when he, Calum and Ashton had left for London. Luke honestly believed it would stop when he came back. It was obvious that it didn’t. He began to wonder if he should question himself more as to why this was all happening.

 

He was in the middle of this thought when he walked into his hotel room and was stopped dead in his tracks by a giant teddy bear in the middle of the floor. Luke had been over at Ashton and Calum’s room down the hall for an hour after their gig, while Michael had to go run a few errands. The older boy was standing in front of the mirror, pants-less and fixing his hair.

 

“Wow, the fans have been leveling up with their presents.” Luke commented as he stepped over the teddy bear. Michaels head whipped around to look at him, before he laughed.

 

“The fans didn’t give this to me,” Michael said while he chuckled, returning his eyes to the mirror. “I got it for Taylor.”

 

Luke’s face dropped. He should have known that’s what Michael was out doing. But…a giant teddy bear?

 

“Is it too much?” Michael asked, looking at Luke in the mirror. “It was so much harder shopping for her than I thought it would be. Like, she’s a successful, wealthy woman who has enough money in the bank to get herself anything she wanted. I don’t know enough about her to get her something sentimental, and if I actually spent a lot of money on anything for her it wouldn’t mean as much because she already has enough money to get it for herself.”

 

Luke wasn’t sure Michael breathed throughout that entire sentence. This suspicion was confirmed when Michael took a huge intake of breath after finishing. “I just want to get her something memorable, you know? Something she’s not going to be able to overlook.”

 

“Literally.” Luke said, looking the enormous stuffed animal up and down.

“I think she’ll appreciate it. I feel like she has that type of humor.” Michael smiled to himself, and then turned his attention to Luke. “You should probably get ready; I was thinking we could leave in like half an hour.”

“Says the boy in the room with no pants on.” The blond boy retorted. Michael then began to search the room for a pair of pants, and Luke couldn’t help but stare a little too long at the curve of Michael’s ass as he bent down to check if his pants were underneath the bed. Luke literally face-palmed and fell onto his bed. He needed to fix this reoccurring problem he was having.

“What’s up with you?” Luke heard Michael say on the other side of him. Luke didn’t respond temporarily, which he soon realized was a mistake when a 6 foot monster with no pants was suddenly crashing on top of him, digging his hands into Luke’s sides.

“No tickling, I mean it I – Michael I swear to go – NO TICKLI-” Luke was now laughing out of control as Michael tickled every part of him. Michael was laughing as well.

“Now that I got you laughing,” Michael still had a grin on his face as he pulled away, but it wasn’t as genuine as before. “I still stand by what I said earlier. You and Calum definitely do NOT have to come tonight if you don’t feel comfortable. I will be perfectly fine on my own and I won’t hold it against you guys and-”

Luke covered Michael’s mouth with his hand to shut him up. “I won’t be hearing any of this! I already told you it was fine and no one is mad about going. We’re happy to go with you, Michael.”

Michael’s genuine grin was back and he hugged Luke, with the blonde’s back spread across the bed, and, he only hugged back for a second wiggled out of the older boy’s grasp at his earliest chance before bad thoughts entered his brain. Thoughts about Michael being on top of him in bed, with a lot less clothing than they were sporting now.

Maybe if he just ran away from those thoughts the rest of his life, he would be fine.

~~~

A little over an hour later, Michael, Calum and Luke were all arriving outside of Taylor Swift’s apartment. Michael had been so nervous the entire ride over that Calum and Luke had to continuously calm him down with words of encouragement. Michael nearly lost it when Blank Space played on the radio, resulting in Luke turning the radio off completely, and the three boys spending the rest of the ride with silence in the background.

The adrenaline from the gig earlier that night had worn off for Luke, and he could tell the same had happened to Calum by the sleepy eyes that fluttered shut every once in a while. Luke was feeling that way too, but he held it together a little bit more for Michael’s sake.

When they got out of their car, the paparazzi went insane with pictures. Luke had a feeling that there would be some big name celebrities at the party, but by what seemed like an endless line of paparazzi leading to Taylor Swift’s home, Luke began to wonder if Obama himself was inside the party right now.

The walk inside was shorter than he thought it would be, and suddenly the three boys were surrounded by what Luke believed was every celebrity he had ever heard of before. Lucky for him, he was too tired to be nervous for any reason.

“Do you see her anywhere?” Michael whispered to Luke. Luke could feel the tenseness Michael radiating off him, and all Luke wanted to do was wrap his arms around him to make it stop.

And maybe never let go.

“I think that’s her, over there, talking to… Justin Timberlake?” Calum was squinting to the far left corner of the room, but Michael was already making a beeline there before Calum had finished his sentence. Luke felt like his heart was being ripped out before his eyes as he watched Taylor’s entire face light up when she saw Michael (and his enormous present) and embrace him in a hug. The same one Luke had just been imagining himself giving Michael a minute ago. Luke was forced to stop staring at the two when Calum elbowed him.

“Hey, let’s take some shots.” Calum said eagerly with a grin, staring at Luke so intently he genuinely wondered what was wrong with the older boy. But at the mention of alcohol, Luke couldn’t argue with Calum’s suggestion. Anything to get his mind off of the boy that had just walked away from him.

~~~

Turns out, not even the high intake of alcohol that Luke had just consumed in the past hour could take his mind off of Michael. Of course, Michael wasn’t attached to Taylor’s hip—she had so many other guests at the party, most of them were ACTUALLY friends with her, unlike Michael—but it seemed like almost every time Luke glanced around the room for the older boy, he would find him next to, in deep conversation with, or laughing with Taylor. And even though Luke had hoped the more shots or beer he drank would make him care less about the red-haired boy, it did the exact opposite.

Calum was literally yawning between drinks, and Luke wasn’t any better off. All he wanted was to be in his hotel room asleep right now, but instead he was at a party with only 2 people he really knew. And one of them hadn’t spoken to him since they got there.

“You okay, Luke?” Calum asked Luke as the blond boy watched Michael explaining what must have been a story to Taylor and—Beyoncé? And Jay-Z? Luke began to wonder what universe he was in right now. Everything seemed so surreal.

“M’fine.” The blond boy responded, not taking his eyes off Michael while he took a swig of beer. He then turned his attention to Calum. “But I was about to ask you the same thing. You’ve been yawning since we got here. Do you wanna head out now?”

“I don’t know…” The dark haired boy scratched his neck, looking over at Michael guiltily. “We’ve only been here for an hour and it’s only barely past midnight. Do you think it’s too early?”

“No, I think we’d be fine to go.” Luke said, setting his beer down. “We better go say hi to Taylor, since she hasn’t even greeted us the whole night, and we should probably tell Michael too, unless he’s too busy all in Taylo-”

“Luke…” Calum said, stopping Luke mid-way into his sentence. He was giving Luke the same look he gave him the night at the pizza parlor when Michael had first mentioned the party, and the same one he was giving him earlier when Michael walked into Taylor’s arms.

“What is it, Calum?” Luke said, looking him straight in the eyes, turning his whole body towards him. “What have you been wanting to say?”

Calum’s eyes went wide as he took another drink of his beer, looking like he was trying to think of something to say. He finally spoke after finishing his beer off. “Taylors been busy with this massive party all night. Don’t take it personally that she hasn’t said anything to us yet. Let’s go over and introduce ourselves now.”

That wasn’t even close to being the thing Luke was worked up about, and he had a feeling Calum knew that too. But before he could say anything else he would regret out of drunkenness, Calum grabbed his forearm and pulled him towards Taylor and Michael.

Taylor was a really sweet girl, and Luke wasn’t surprised in the least. It made it harder for him to be mad at Michael for liking her so much, because now he could understand why.

Calum brought up that they thought it was time they should all go back to the hotel, but Michael insisted that they first all go take pictures in the homemade picture booth Taylor had created in her side room. The last thing Luke wanted to do was pretend like he was having a good time in some pictures, but he realized he didn’t really have a choice

It was as if Calum could sense Luke’s growing tenseness, so the dark haired boy attempted to make Luke laugh by putting a poop emoji mask on his head, and Luke half-heartedly pretended to laugh at him. The younger boy felt like shit for feeling like shit, and making others feel like shit because he felt like shit. Luke tried to shake his bad feeling off, but he still felt the faint flow of sorrow through his veins.

It was time to take the pictures. In the first two pictures, Luke plastered a big smile on his face. But by the third picture, he had lost all his energy to do so. He glanced over to his right, meaning to look at Calum (who had taken off the poop emoji mask and was searching on the ground for something else to put on his face) but instead rested his eyes Michael. He saw the red haired boy wrap his arm around Taylor and her lean into him. Luke stopped breathing. He felt like someone was gripping his heart so tight that it would explode. He couldn’t take his eyes away. He just stared straight at them, unmoving, forcing himself to try to not feel anything. It wasn’t working. It was like the room had gone silent, and nothing existed in the room besides Michael and Taylor hitting it off a few feet away from Luke.

“You okay, buddy?” The man next to him slurred out, obviously slightly drunk. Luke was abruptly brought back to reality. The man threw an arm around him, and Luke saw Michael glance up at the younger boy momentarily. Before Luke could change his mind—or really process what he was about to do—he leaned in and kissed the man on his cheek for the picture.

The man just chuckled and took his arm from around Luke after the picture was taken, and looked like he was about to say something. But before he could, the girl on the other side of him grabbed his arm and dragged him away. It was probably the luckiest thing to happen to Luke that night. When he looked back up at Michael, he was laughing at something Taylor had said. He had completely missed Luke kissing the other man.

Luke was so drunk, so confused, and in so much pain that he felt dizzy for a moment. Calum was suddenly next to him, throwing his arm around the blond boys’ shoulder. Luke felt a little better with Calum by his side.

“You coming, Michael?” Calum asked. Taylor was in the middle of a conversation across the room, and Michael was finally walking over to them.

“Um,” He rubbed his neck and looked in Taylors direction. “I was actually thinking about staying a little bit longer. I feel like I haven’t had enough time to talk to Taylor yet. But I totally understand you guys being tired and jetlagged, so it’s fine if you guys go ahead and head ou-”

“You’ve literally been talking to her all night.” Luke heard himself say. He felt Calum squeeze his shoulder gently. Luke ignored it and stared into the red haired boy’s eyes without moving.

“I mean, yeah, kinda…” Michael stuttered out, avoiding the younger boy’s eyes. “I’ve only really gotten to talk to her one on one like, twice the whole night, and I kind of-”

Michael was still talking when Luke turned around, pulling out of Calum’s grip, and walking towards the door. He didn’t bother turning to see if Calum was following him or not. His chest felt so tight and his eyes felt heavy and hot, but he continued to push all the thoughts flooding his mind to the back of his brain. NOT NOW, he thought. ANOTHER TIME, WHEN IM ALONE, maybe.

The blond was relieved when he saw the car waiting on him, and he pulled himself inside. He might’ve let go right then, in the car, finally alone. But he saw the dark haired boy powerwalking to the car Luke was sitting in, and he knew he would have to wait.

“Luke, are you alright?” Calum asked as he pulled his seat belt on and the car started moving. Luke couldn’t believe how sober and awake Calum looked so suddenly, like he hadn’t had 3 shots, 2 beers, and had been suffering from severe lack of sleep. He was staring so intently at Luke that the younger boy moved as close to the opposite window as possible, away from him. Luke just nodded and stared out the window, and luckily Calum seemed to take a hint and stop talking to the younger boy.

There was still a half hour car ride back to the hotel, and Luke was wondering if he was going to be sick. He was trying so hard to keep from thinking about how Taylor’s back just seemed to FIT into Michael’s front while she leaned into him for the picture. He was trying so hard to not think about how Michael had left them for dead the moment the party started. He was trying so hard to not think about how gone for Taylor Michael was.

Why did he care so much that Michael had a crush on Taylor anyways? Luke knew it would never work out between them, and Michael probably realized this too. So why did he feel like dying whenever he saw Michael’s absolute adoration of Taylor? Why did he feel like his world was ending every time he saw the two talk and laugh together? Why did he feel like his heart was breaking at the thought of Michael liking someone?

Luke knew the answer. He had known the answer for a while now. He would always push it to the back of his head whenever it would come up, because he knew it was best for him to not dwell on it, or believe that Michael could ever feel the same way. He would be pushing the thoughts back right then if it wasn’t for the alcohol in his veins and his heart on fire from jealousy and sorrow for himself.

Luke loved Michael.

He fucking loved Michael.

He doesn’t know when it started or how it long it’s been exactly, but it’s been long enough for it to hurt this much. He loved Michael more than a band mate. He loved him more than just a best friend. He loved him more than anything else he had ever loved before. And that absolutely terrified Luke.

Tears began to fall from Luke’s eyes now. How could Luke let himself do this? How could he let himself fall in love with someone who could never love him more than a friend? And how could he let it happen with his ABSOLUTE BEST FRIEND? Luke wanted to punch himself in the face. He also wanted to scream and run away from his feelings, not wanting them to be paining himself like they were. He was an absolute wreck.

These thoughts and more blur his mind the entire car ride. As they approached the hotel, Luke sniffled and wiped his eyes viciously, just in case any fans were there. He didn’t want them asking him why he was crying and why he looked like shit. He heard Calum say something but he was too busy opening the door and practically running up the stairs to the hotel door. Right before he entered, he saw a group of about 10 fans waiting there. SHIT. He thought, but suddenly he felt overwhelmingly dizzy and sick at the same time and almost fell over. If it wasn’t for Calum catching him, Luke could’ve gotten a face full of asphalt.

“Just take it easy, Luke, I’m right here.” Calum’s voice seemed distant to the blond, as well as the screams from the girls that were running towards them. One of their security men stopped them from getting too close, and all of a sudden Luke lost it.

He didn’t know if it was the alcohol, all of the attention so suddenly, or his final realization in the car that made him break. Probably a mixture of the three things. Nevertheless, Luke started crying harshly in Calum’s arms. He let out his sobs and buried his face into Calum’s shoulder for a second, and then felt Calum’s arms pull him into a hug. He only stayed for a second, but then broke free from them, attempting to walk to the hotel doors, stumbling along the way.

“What’s wrong Luke!? Are you okay!?” He heard multiple fans shout near him. He felt bad ignoring them all; he always hated doing that. But his head was swimming drunk and his heart was clenching in his chest, and he sort of felt like he was dying right there.

“I—I’m in love,” He slurred out through his tears, rubbing his face with one hand and trying to keep balance with the other. He had lost all control for himself, of his feelings, of his life. “I’m in lo-love, with Mike, and it’s going to ruin everything, the band, our friendshi-”

A security guard literally picked Luke up—which was a good thing because Luke felt his legs were about to give out anyways—and carried him through the hotel doors and straight to the elevator. Luke looked around frantically for Calum—the first time that night actually wanting Calum to be with him—and spotted him through his tears on the other side of the windows talking intently with the girls. The blond gritted his teeth in an attempt to stop sobbing as the guard set him down.

“Calum told me it was best if I just took you in here myself.” The man said. Luke didn’t respond. He just wanted to be in his room away from everyone else.

When the elevator finally came, Luke stumbled in and the security man stood behind him. Before the elevator closed Luke saw Calum and his security guard walk in the hotel doors and enter the elevator with them.

Luke was still trying to catch his breath from crying when the elevator doors closed. Silence filled the small box they were encased in. Calum had taken a hint at this point that the younger boy didn’t want to be hugged or comforted, or touched at all for that matter. Luke was relieved for this.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” Calum said carefully. Luke didn’t respond for a minute, until finally shaking his head no, letting out a small sob, and burying his face in his hands. Luke felt the older boy shift next to him, and Luke felt so bad for doing this to him. None of this was Calum’s fault. None of this was anyone’s fault but his. Luke knew Calum just wanted to be there for him, but Luke didn’t want that right now. He just wanted to be ALONE.

“Tomorrow?” Luke heard Calum say, and Luke nodded, more to make him stop talking to him than anything else.

Finally, the elevator doors opened and Luke stumbled to his room only a few doors away from the elevator.

“Im right down the hall if you need anything.” But Luke was already in his room when Calum was halfway through that sentence.

Luke threw himself on his bed, fully clothed, and bawled. He pulled his pillow to his mouth and screamed into it, letting his frustration out completely now that he was alone. He did this one more time before letting it go and just lying on his bed, heaving slightly from loss of breath from crying so hard.

_This is going to ruin the band._

Luke squeeze his eyes shut.

_Now that Calum knows, Ashton will know too, and they’ll hate me for ruining everything they’ve worked for._

Tears streamed down his face, despite his eyes being closed so tight.

_Michael is probably still laughing it up with taylor right now_

Luke pulled a pillow over his face.

_Michael was never going to love me back._

Luke screamed one last time into the pillow.

He then just laid there for a while. His thoughts turned into a huge headache that seemed to be eating him alive. Luke used the rest of the energy inside himself to strip down to his boxers and turn off the light before falling into bed. He was out cold within the next minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments/kudos or hit me up on my [tumblr!](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry it took me a little while to update, I started back at Uni this week and have been very busy! I'll try to be sure to update (at the least) once a week, depending on how much I'm drowning in school work :)
> 
> Also, feel free to follow me on tumblr at muketrash.tumblr.com, so you can message and encourage me to write more and nap less!

When Luke finally pried his eyes open, he was laying on his right side, facing the window that was letting sunlight flood into the room. He could feel a thin layer of dried sweat over his entire body, as well as a small yet growing hangover headache towards the back of his head. Just as he was about to roll over and walk to the bathroom to take a shower, memories of the previous night flushed back into his head.

He remembered everything; the party, the car ride back, the fans—oh god, did he really say that stuff to the fans?—and, of course, his realization about Michael.

Luke then also remembered that Michael should be back by now. But he wasn’t in bed with him.

The blond boy took a few deep breaths before gathering enough courage to roll over and face Michael’s bed. Thankfully, the older boy was there. Luke was surprised he didn’t wake up when Michael came back. The boy across the room from Luke was lying on top of all the covers of his bed, fully clothed, and completely spread out on his back.

Luke laid there for a minute, just watching Michael’s chest rise and fall in a steady pattern in his deep sleep. Even in a drunken slumber, Michael still looked gorgeous. His hair looked slightly matted down, but it didn’t look greasy or gross like Luke’s probably did. His eyes were closed softly and his lips were parted ever so slightly. The same lips the blond boy hadn’t stopped thinking about in the past two days.

Luke decided that it would be best if his next move would be to take a shower; a long, hot, cleansing shower, where he could think straight for once and figure a few things out. He finally hoisted himself up and walked across the room—passing Michael, but not letting himself even steal a glance at him—and into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and stepped in. The blistering hot water hit Luke’s neck, sending instant relief to every aching bone in his body. He immersed himself in the water and attempted to gather his thoughts.

~~~

Luke felt a hundred times better when he stepped out of the shower than when he got in. He had forced himself to stay in as long as it took for him to address his problem and find a solution to it. He was tired of shoving his emotions to the back of his head to confront at a later date. He had danced around it far too long.

He had narrowed it down to 3 main things. The first thing was, well, Luke was gay. This was surprisingly not as earthshattering to Luke as it probably should have been. He knew everyone in his life would be accepting of him for who he was and who he loved. Maybe the public wouldn’t be, but he didn’t care about them—they didn’t need to know. At least not immediately. The only people that needed to know were his family and the three boys he called his best friends. Maybe he had always been gay, maybe it’s happened in the past few years. Maybe he wasn’t even GAY, but BISEXUAL.  All Luke knew was that he had never felt this way about anybody in his life except for Michael.

That was another main thing Luke had come to terms with. It had been like a battle was going on inside him for what seemed like forever, and finally, he gave up the fight. Luke was, as crazy and insane as it sounds, was in love with his best friend. Michael. He was in love with Michael. He didn’t know how it started, what caused it or why, but this feeling the blond boy had for his red haired friend was a lot more than a little crush.

Luke loved the way Michael would get excited over small things. Luke loved the way Michael would get overexcited about a victory in a video game, rubbing it in all of his opponents faces. Luke loved the way Michael would drop everything he was doing to listen to something Luke had to say if he could tell it was important. Luke loved the way Michael would captivate the entire audience when his solo came up. Luke loved the way Michael preferred to cuddle something—or someone—when he slept. Luke loved the way Michael liked to cuddle HIM when he slept.

Luke just really fucking loved Michael.

He always found reasons to counter it, in attempt to prove it wrong – _I just haven’t cuddled with anyone in a long time, that’s why this feels so good,_ or _I’m just really homesick, that’s all, and Michael reminds me of home,_ and Luke’s personal favorite, _I’m just jealous of Michael’s deep red, plump lips; it’s not that I want them ON me, no hell no that would be weird, I just want them for myself._ He couldn’t help but laugh at himself for avoiding the obvious for so long. He tried to backtrack in his mind how it began and when it started. Definitely before they released their album. WAY before that. Maybe even back when they were in school. The thought of liking Michael for that long made Luke feel giddy, but the overall acknowledging of this feeling for Michael gave him a sense of calm. His mind finally felt a sort of relief from the constant battle between the truth and safety that was going on in his head.

The last thing he had come to terms with was the hardest of them all: it was that Luke couldn’t act on it at all.

For starters, as far as Luke knew Michael was straight. Sure, Luke had had some suspicions of Michael being otherwise – such as his initial obsession with Alex Gaskarth and Harry Styles at different points in time – but Michael never told Luke that he was anything but straight. Luke had even teased him about Alex, when Michael was mad that Luke and Calum got to meet him first. Michael had just told him to shut up. It just seemed like Michael was always texting Alex and talking about what a great guy he was. Maybe it was because he was just as good of friends with Alex as Michael was, but for some reason Luke didn’t remember it bothering him that much.

Harry was a different story – Luke can remember dark nights of lying alone in the hotel room, waiting impatiently for Michael to come back from spending the night hanging out with Harry. He remembered feeling sick with jealousy and wanting his best friend to just come back and spend time with him. He also remembered not understanding why the whole thing bothered him so much. Now he understood crystal clear.

Overall, Luke felt like Michael would tell him if he wasn’t straight. Luke and Michael told each other everything in each other’s arms at night when they shared a bed, and if he hadn’t said anything by now he probably never would. The knowledge that Michael would never love him back made the blond boy feel like his heart was sinking into his stomach. It wasn’t a good feeling. It hurt.. He tried to think about all the positives, like how lucky he was to simply have Michael in his life, let alone traveling around the world with him, living their dreams together, and calling him his best friend. Michael was a really good friend to Luke. Sure, Michael loved to bully him at times, and even sometimes take it too far, but at the end of the day, Luke’s lucky as hell to be able to call Michael his best friend, and vice versa. As long as Luke focused on that, he believed he would be able to get out of this crush. This love. Whatever it was.

Another reason he couldn’t act on it was because of the band. On the VERY MINISCULE chance that Michael WASN’T straight AND could ever love Luke back, it would ruin the band. Simple as that. Like Luke mentioned before, the band had a sort of chemistry to it, and once it’s thrown off it’s just not the same. Everything would be different if Michael and Luke were together. It wouldn’t be fair to Ashton or Calum.

As much as it pained Luke, he knew his only solution was to get over this love for Michael. It would just take some time, that’s all – in the words of a song the girl Michael just spent the previous night lusting over, “Time can heal most anything.” It would take a while, but Luke believed it was possible. It would require not telling anyone at all, not only because Luke couldn’t imagine anyone even taking him seriously in the first place, but he also knew that talking about it out loud would increase the possibility of increasing his love for Michael (if that was even possible at this point).

Luke would get out of this alive. He would be okay. He’s survived heartbreak before. Even though he never remembered feeling this way about anyone else…

~~~

When Luke emerged from the bathroom with just a towel around his waist, he was surprised to see Michael now under the covers, seemingly out of his clothes from the previous night, and scrolling through his phone. His head swung around immediately to look at him when Luke opened the door from the bathroom.

“Finally!” Michael exasperated, rubbing his eyes. “I was beginning to wonder if you drowned in the shower. You’ve been in there for like an hour.”

“Sorry…” Luke said, slightly disoriented. He wasn’t expecting Michael to be up any time soon, and to exit the shower to find him awake and functioning startled him. “Did I wake you up when I got up?”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. I’m actually kind of glad that you did, it was extremely uncomfortable sleeping in skinny jeans.” Michael curled into a tighter ball under the covers. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Luke winced at the thought. “I think I’m going to have to believe you.”

“As you should.” Michael grinned at him, but only momentarily. Then his expression turned to uncertainty. “But hey…are we cool?”

“What?” Luke could already feel his cheeks heating up. He assumed Michael was referencing when Luke walked out of the party the night before, cutting him off mid-sentence. He wasn’t ready to explain why he did that.

Before Michael could say anything, their hotel door was flying open, and a giggly mountain topped with curly hair barged in.

“Morning party animals!” Ashton boomed, throwing an arm around Luke’s bare shoulder. “You smell nice, Huke Lemmings.”

“Thanks.” Luke replied, relieved for once that Ashton was interrupting him and Michael.

Ashton then let go of Luke and launched himself on the bed next to Michael, begging to cuddle him from behind. “YOU, on the other hand, reek, my friend.”

“Shut it.” Michael threw his phone on the counter beside him and pushed his face into the pillow.

“I mean it,” Ashton continued, “Luke smells much nicer than you. Luke, come over here and confirm Michael smells the inside of a shoe. Please, for science.”

Luke heard Michael groan into the pillow, but Luke couldn’t help but take the bait. He walked over to where Michael was laying, sat on the bed next to him, and said, “No, actually. I would say it smells more like sweaty balls to me, but that’s just my opinion.”

Luke heard a muffled “Fuck you.” from the red headed boy next to him.

The door opened again, and this time it was Calum that walked in, looking appalled.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He said, setting down his coffee. “My whole band cuddling without me? This is an outrage! MAKE WAY!”

And with that, another body was crashing onto the bed, to which everyone groaned in annoyance to.

“Technically, Luke wasn’t cuddling.” Ashton challenged. “He’s just kind of sitting there awkwardly.”

“I’m like, basically naked!” Luke argued back.

“So!? That’s no excuse!” Ashton exclaimed, voice cracking slightly. “Cuddling naked is the best way to cuddle.”

“Maybe…we should all get naked?” Calum suggested.

“I feel like it would be wrong if we didn’t.” Ashton agreed.

“I’m quitting this band.” Michael said into the pillow his face was currently pressed into, and all four boys started laughing.

“You could never leave us.” Luke said without thinking, and began to feel uneasiness enter his stomach again.

“You’re right, unfortunately.” Michael said, bringing his head up to smile sleepily at Luke, and Luke was just so gone for him he thought he would explode. “Now go put some damn clothes on so we can have a proper band cuddle, before Ashton gets uncomfortable and leaves.”

“I would never!” Ashton fired back, straight into Calum’s ear, resulting in Calum yelling at Ashton, and Michael yelling at both of them to lower their voices because he was insanely hung over. Luke took advantage of this yelling and confusion to pull on a pair of sweat pants and get back in bed with his band. He snuggled his back into Michael, repeating over and over in his mind, ‘This is fine. This is normal. This is okay.’ The feeling of Michael’s arm sneaking around Luke’s middle to pull him closer didn’t help.

“Does this mean we’re okay?” Michael whispered in Luke’s ear. Now he knew he was in trouble.

“No side conversations when the band is cuddling.” Ashton scolded, but Calum, hearing Michael’s question loud and clear, was suddenly sitting up. Luke could feel his eyes on him. Luke remembered how Calum had watched his breakdown the night before, had watched him cry his eyes out, confess his love for Michael in front of the—oh fuck, had he said that to the fans too? Was there a video of him all over the internet crying about how he was in love with his bandmate?

“I blacked out.” Luke blurted out.

“What?” Ashton and Michael said at the same time.

“I think I blacked out last night.” Luke was rubbing his eyes. He didn’t know where he was going with this. It was as if he was on autopilot, and his subconscious was doing the talking.

“Like…you don’t remember anything?” Ashton asked.

“Yeah…I don’t know.” Luke still felt the dark haired boy staring bullets into the back of his head.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Michael asked.

“I remember getting to the party, and taking a few shots.” He finally pulled himself to look at his friends. Michael looked intrigued and concerned. Ashton looked confused. Calum looked like a mixture of worry and doubt. “Then everything kind of just…goes dark.”

“Holy shit,” Ashton commented, “I’ve never even done that before. Do you feel alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” The blond boy confirmed, slowly detaching Michael from himself, much to Michael’s dismay. “I just had a slight headache when I woke up, but besides that I’m fine.” He was now sitting on the edge of the bed again, looking at the rest of them.

“Oh…well…” Michael began, searching for his words carefully, “I mean, nothing really happened. You just seemed a little upset when you left the party last night—you and Calum left before me—and I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t mad at me for something.”

“Was there anything I should have been mad at you for?” Luke realized the moment he asked this that he didn’t know the answer himself.

“I didn’t think so…”

The band sat quietly for a second, and then Calum broke the silence.

“You really don’t remember anything? Not a single thing?”

“No, I don’t.” Luke said confidently. He was hoping Calum would just think Luke was hilariously hammered, and everything he said was just a result of being jealous of sharing his best friend. NOT that he was actually in love with him. But Luke had his doubts. He had picked up on the little things Calum had done over the past few days – and hell, they might have even been occurring over the past few months without Luke even noticing – and Luke was pretty sure Calum knew a long time before last night. How he knew was the real question. Maybe he’s just good at understanding body language. Maybe he just knows Luke like the back of his hand, and would be an idiot for not realizing. On the other hand, as far as Luke knew, Ashton was as oblivious as Michael was. Maybe it was just their personalities, and Calum was more observant that Michael and Ashton. There were a lot of maybes flying around in Luke’s head that only increased the hangover headache that had subdued during the shower. All he wished for in that moment was that Calum pretended like Luke’s breakdown that night didn’t happen.

His wishes were granted when Calum finally settled for an ‘okay’ while the dark haired boy lay back down in his spot between Ashton and Michael. Yeah, Luke would probably need to address Calum at one point or another and talk to him about it, but now was not the time. He watched as a smile finally crept back over Calum’s face as Ashton snuggled into his back, and it made Luke feel fond for his best friends.

“Well, as long as you’re okay then that’s all that matters!” Ashton said. “Now get back in the bed! WE ARE HAVING THIS BAND CUDDLE GOD DAMMIT IF IT’S THE LAST THING WE DO!”

~~~

The four of them only cuddled for a few more minutes before they had to get up to pack for Boston. Ashton had packed up everything the night before, so he decided to stay in Michael and Luke’s room while they packed and Calum went back to his own room to pack. The oldest boy was lounging on the bed, flipping through the TV channels mindlessly, while Luke packed up his clothes and Michael was finishing getting dressed from the shower.

“So Michael,” Ashton began, giving up on finding something interesting to watch and just resting his hands behind his head, “Since you’re the only one in this room who can remember last night, tell me all about it!”

Luke braced himself. He knew he was going to have to deal with this—listening to Michael talk about different people the way Luke wished Michael would talk about him—sooner or later. He might as well start getting used to it.

“It was fun!” Michael said shortly, voice sounding ecstatic, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

Ashton must have noticed too, because he frowned at Michael’s response. “Well, I want details!”

“I mean, it was a good time.” Michael said, voice was growing smaller at each word. “It was nice to finally meet her. But…”

“But what?”

“I don’t know. I just…” Michael took a deep sigh, and finally continued. “I’m so embarrassing.”

“What do you mean?” Luke spoke up for the first time, having fully stopped what he was doing to hear what Michael had to say.

“Is that what your tweet was about?” Ashton asked as well, but Michael just continued talking.

“She just seems so cool and I don’t know… I feel like she thought I was too immature for her? Like we’re a 7 year difference in age, but it didn’t seem like that big of a difference. At least not to me. I just wanted to be her friend – she’s really unique – but every time I tried to speak to her I felt like I was just boring her…”

The words had rushed out of Michael’s mouth so fast, Luke wasn’t sure if he breathed the entire time. Luke was trying to completely comprehend everything that Michael had said when Michael, again, continued.

“I don’t know it if this makes any sense, but I think we’re really different. Like, we’re incompatible. As friends, of course. Even I know that I would never have a chance with her—but I was never interested in her in that way anyways…”

Michael was still talking, but Luke had stopped listening. ‘I was never interested in her in that way anyways.’ That line played over and over in Luke’s head, filling his heart with hope. The blond boy cursed himself for allowing that to happen. Just because Michael doesn’t like Taylor, definitely DOESN’T  mean that he likes Luke. But he couldn’t help but feel a little happy for himself. He didn’t have to worry about sharing Michael with anyone else at this time. Maybe he’ll have enough time to get over his best friend before something like last night happens again.

“…might’ve just been busy trying to entertain everyone else.” Luke heard Ashton say when he started tuning in to the conversation again.

“Yeah, I get that. I’m probably just over-thinking everything. I don’t know. I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, Mikey.” Luke spoke up, walking over to his red haired friend. “I’m sorry it didn’t go like you planned.”

“Thanks Luke,” Michael smiled and pulled Luke into a hug. Luke smiled as Michael pushed his face into the younger boy’s neck. He didn’t even feel uncomfortable. He felt content. Content that he could make Michael feel better. That’s what he cared about most – Michael’s happiness.

“At least you have us!” Ashton jumped up and joined the hug. They stood there in an embrace until Michael was struggling against both Ashton and Luke’s arms to break free, but laughing as he did.

Luke then promised himself that from then on, as long as Michael was okay and happy, Luke would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a little boring, BUT I had to give a lot of information in it, and I felt like if I added more stuff at the end it would be overkill. I promise the next chapter will be more exciting and more MUKE FILLED :)
> 
> Please leave comments/kudos or hit me up on my [tumblr!](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS SUPER LONG AND SUPER MUKE AF :D Hope you all enjoy!

The next few days went by so fast Luke began to wonder if it was all a dream. They released their new live album, travelled to DC, ATTEMPTED a twitcam, and dressed up as old people for their show AND for a new target promo video. Exhausted was an understatement. And even though he had – for the most part – gotten over his jetlag, it certainly didn’t help his fatigue either.

In some aspects, Luke was grateful for past 2 days being busy as ever – it helped him not think about Michael. At least not in that way. It was actually a lot easier than Luke had planned for. The busy-ness of the band pushed his mind into a state where it didn’t feel complete admiration – or fear – when Michael poked Luke’s sides, or messed with him in interviews, or took a leaned into him when the band were taking pictures. He felt like he used to always feel around Michael – comfortable. That was a good word for the feeling, Luke thought. It was exactly how he should feel about being with Michael. Nothing more, nothing less.

But it wasn’t completely perfect yet. Luke still had his moments when Michael would catch him off guard. It would be the smallest thing – a hug where Michael wouldn’t let go (with intention to annoy Luke, of course), Michael completely losing it when Calum spilt half a bottle of diet coke on Ashton’s shirt he was wearing, watching Michael talk to a young fan in the voice he always use his ‘kid’ voice with. Things that used to have little to no effect on Luke in the past now deeply infatuated him every time they happened. They always caught Luke off-guard. It would seem like time had stopped, and the only thing that existed was Michael.

One time in particular was really bad. It was just earlier that night. They had just finished their promo video at Target, and Michael had been itching to take his old women clothes off since the moment they got there. When they were told they were done filming, Michael immediately pulled off his wig and shirt and started running around the parking lot, just in his skirt and slippers. Calum and Luke were nearly on the ground laughing, while Ashton tried desperately to run after Michael and catch him before he attracted an audience. When they got back, Michael was breathing heavily and leaning over, saying something about never doing that much physical activity again. Luke didn’t hear his exact words because he was being distracted by the sweat rolling down the red head’s pale chest. It was as if the sight knocked the breath out of him. Michael’s hair was fucked beyond repair and he was wearing a goddam skirt and slippers, but he was still, embarrassingly, turning Luke on.

Luke did what he always did in those moments; distract himself. He ran over and jumped on Ashton’s back and demanded his husband carry him back to the car. Ashton laughed, and said something along the lines of “I’m too damn old for this,” in his old man voice. Luke and Calum erupted in laughter yet again, and just like that Luke returned to feeling normal.

The blond had just got off the phone with his mom and was now lying on his bed. Michael had gone to Calum and Ashton’s room to play video games. Luke had told them he might join up later, but he knew the chances of that were small. They were leaving for LA in the morning – or was it the day after next? He honestly didn’t k now the answer to save his life – and all he wanted was to sleep off the last remaining piece of jet lag that remained in his bones.

He was in the middle of changing into pajamas when he noticed he was getting a call. It was a face time call from his greatest nightmare down the hall. Luke cursed the butterflies in his stomach and considered for a moment ignoring it and pretending like he had already gone to sleep. He ended up ignoring that thought and answering it anyways.

Michael’s face popped up, and it appeared he was laying so his head was resting on his “To The Moon” bicep. Luke was confused at how silent the other side of the call was, since the three of them were supposed to be gaming together.

“Luuuuucas,” Michael said, a lazy grin wrapping around his face.

“Don’t I get enough of you!?” The younger boy immediately argued.

“Maybe…” Michael hid his face in the pillow and made eyes at Luke, setting Luke on edge. But he was determined to not let it get the best of him this time.

“I finally get some peace and quiet in my own hotel room,” Luke began, “and you STILL find a way to squeeze yourself into my life! I SHOULD BE ENTITILED TO SOME FREEDOM FROM YOU!”

The older boy was chuckling softly, but he seemed to be off somehow. Luke stopped joking and sat up in bed.

“Where’s Ash and Cal?”

“They went out for some late night dinner somewhere Ashton went earlier today and said was great.” Michael shrugged. “I think some place in China town?”

“Shouldn’t you be chaperoning them?” Luke grinned at his next statement. “We both agreed that we can’t let the two party animals go too hard before a flight of more than 3 hours. Remember the flight from Dallas to Seattle a few months ago?”

“Oh god,” and THERE was the genuine smile Luke wanted to see on Michael. The older boy rubbed his eyes. “I’ve been trying to forget. Remember how completely trashed Ashton was the whole flight? I don’t think he’s ever wanted to die more than he did that day.”

“And Calum was holding back puke the entire time!” Luke laughed at the memory, though at the time it occurred he wasn’t laughing at all. Luke had the unlucky fortune of sitting by him, and he constantly had to get up and sit back down whenever Calum felt like he was going to hurl. It wasn’t the best flight they’d spent together.

“Unfortunately yes. Hopefully they’re just out on a little excursion and will be back before dawn. That’s my only wish.”

Luke smiled and agreed, but then realized that he still wasn’t sure why Michael had called him like this in the first place.

“Why are you FaceTiming me then?” He asked.

“Wanted to talk.” Michael replied lazily, then rolling over to his back. “Didn’t wanna stand up.”

“I’m literally just down the hall.” Luke shook his head at his best friend. Michael was the laziest person he knew.

“So close, but so fa-“

“No. Don’t you dare.”

The pair laughed again, and then silence fell. Luke knew that Michael had to be the one to bring up whatever he wanted to talk about, or they would never talk about it at all.

“I texted Geordie today.”

Luke felt his heart fall into his stomach. He was becoming all too familiar with this feeling. “Oh.”

“I don’t really know why,” Michael sighed, like telling Luke took so much weight off his shoulders. But he still didn’t look happy. “I guess I just wanted to see how she was. It’s been, like nearly half a year since I’ve seen her.”

Luke didn’t really know how he was supposed to respond to that. He observed Michael, and noticed he was looking at Luke for a reaction. The blond stumbled around in his head for something to say that held some kind of worth, but resulting in just stating the same thing he had before, “Oh.”

“Well, it doesn’t really matter anyways.” Michael fell back onto his back on the bed with a thud. “She ignored me completely.”

“…oh.” Luke stupidly said again, but then caught up with himself. “Wait, are you sure? Like, time zones weren’t messed up or something? Because she might just be busy.”

“She updated her MyStory on Snapchat.”

“Oh.” Luke said for the fourth time, but luckily it made Michael laugh. Luke laughed with him, feeling guilty for feeling relief at the fact Geordie ignored Michael.

“It whatever,” Michael finally said, rolling his eyes. “I mean, it’s not that bad. I’m just in a band that travels the world but can’t get girls from high school to even respond to my texts. No big deal. I’m totally not a loser.”

“I’m sorry to inform you, Michael,” Luke began, trying to keep a serious face, but miserably failing to do so. “But that’s actually the definition of loser. Like, in the dictionary. It literally states, ‘a loser is a somewhat-well-known musician who can’t even pull girls he went to high school with’. Sorry!”

“Shut up Luke!” Michael dropped his phone and groaned in frustration, which totally DIDN’T give Luke goosebumps. He just laughed at the older boy’s defeat. “You’re supposed to be making me feel better.”

“Ooooooh, is that my job now? I thought I was supposed to be the one who plays the guitar.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Michael was straight up giggling now, his smile burning a hole through Luke’s eyes. “Just stop talking. Forever, preferably.”

“’Kay” Luke said with a victorious smile.

“Maybe we should just agree to the Cashton agreement also.” Michael suggested.

“The what?” Luke was completely confused. What the hell was the Cashton agreement?

“You know, it’s that stupid agreement they made at that party we were at back at home? Right before we flew back to America last?”

Luke shook his head. He had no recollection of whatever Michael was talking about.

“It was right after Calum got rejected by that girl!” Michael was sitting up again, retelling the story excitingly. “You know, that girl with the red shirt?! Anyways, Calum got rejected and you and I were giving him shit for it. Ashton felt back for him and threw his arm around Cal, and in an attempt to try to pick his spirits back up, he said that if Calum and him were still single at 30 they would get married!”

“What the fuck!?” Luke was laughing again, until his side hurt. Only his band…

“Calum agreed, excitingly, of course.”

“I’m not surprised.” Luke was wiping a near tear out of his eye from laughing, coming down from his high.

“So what do you think?’

“About the agreement? Yeah, that’s definitely going to be them in about 10 years. We should start planning.”

“No, no! I was talking about US making the agreement too!”

Luke was sobered up instantly. He knew Michael was just kidding, of course, but his smile and excitement just seemed too damn real. Luke swallowed hard as he felt his blush approaching. He didn’t know what to say.

“I mean…” He began, finding his words difficultly. “Do you really want to wake up to my face every morning?”

“Already do.” The red haired boy smiled with his mouth shut, wide and genuine, and Luke honestly thought he was going to die.

“Marriage…is a big commitment.” Luke finally stammered out. The blond suddenly had a vivid image in his mind of Michael in a tux, across the altar from him, winking at him as whoever was marrying them was speaking. It hurt more than it should have. When did this get so bad?

“I mean, I like the comforting knowledge that even if I fail in the romance department in life, I’ll know one day I’ll be able to come home to a tall blond with a hot bod in my bed every night.” Michael said a little too easily.

“Tell me when you meet someone like that, and hook me up.” Luke replied surprisingly smoothly, attempted to change the conversation. Even though he was pretty sure all of Michael’s compliments were going straight to his dick.

“What are you talking about?” Michael argued. “You’re the perfect package! I mean, besides the lack of butt, of course.”

“WHAT!” Luke exploded at the phone. “My butt is perfectly fine.”

“It’s not BAD…” Michael began, “But it’s just not like Ashton’s or Calum’s. They’ve got very nice butts.”

“Sorry my butt isn’t up to par with the rest of the bands?!”

“You should be.” Michael grinned wickedly.

Then, Luke had an idea.

“Michael, close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it!”

“But why!?”

“Jesus, please, for once, just do it.”

Michael finally caved and closed his eyes. Luke got off the bed and pulled down his pants and hovered across his phone screen on the bed before he could change his mind.

“Open.”

When Michael opened his eyes, he completely lost it, just like Luke had hoped, he was laughing with his eyes closed and his nose slightly wrinkled, and it was too cute for Luke to handle. Michael was happy again. THAT’S what Luke needed to see the most.

Then, while Luke was slightly distracted by thinking this, he heard a snapshot noise.

“Oi, are you kidding me!” He screamed at Michael through the screen, and Michael laughed.

“You asked for it!” the older boy argued through his laughs. “You put your butt on the screen, what am I supposed to do!?”

“Uh, admire it!?” Luke yelled back, half serious. Michael just kept laughing until barely any sound came out.

“I just wanted to capture the moment.” He argued again, against Luke. “I mean, we’re not going to get married until about 10 years from now, I have to keep something of you to get me through the day!”

“Who said I ever agreed to that stupid agreement?” Luke fell back on the bed, defeated.

“Well of course you did.”

“No I didn’t!”

“Well….would you please?”

“NO!”

“PLEASE!?”

The words slipped too fast out of Luke’s mouth. “Make me!”

Michael raised an eyebrow at Luke’s dare. “Make you, huh?”

“You heard me.” He had honestly wished Michael hadn’t.

“I’ll be over in 45 seconds.” Michael was already getting up and walking towards the door.

“Good luck,” Luke said, not losing his momentum. “You’ll need it.”

“Don’t get cocky.” Michael said before hanging up.

~~~

Luke was prepared when Michael opened the door standing in a ninja stance, ready to fight. Michael mumbled, “Idiot” through a smile as he attacked Luke with such force that they landed on the bed. Both boys were laughing at first, until neither was winning and they had to start getting rougher with each other. Luke had gone from tickling Michael’s sides to straight up jabbing them with his fingers, in an attempt to catch him off guard. Michael had gone from the goal being messing up Luke’s quaff to pulling his hair in any way was convenient at the time – which totally didn’t turn Luke on in any way, nope, not at all.

‘Keep a clean mind, you and Michael do this all the time’ Luke tried to tell himself. But the truth was, they hadn’t done this in months. Actually, Luke can’t remember the last time just he and Michael got into a wrestling fight, without Calum or Ashton. It might even have been years.

He wasn’t sure how long they had been wrestling, until at one point Michael had Luke pinned down beneath him, holding Luke’s wrists about his head. Luke was about to accept defeat, telling Michael he won and beg for mercy, until he looked into Michael’s eyes. They were dark and big, and he was looking straight back into Luke’s. The blond was also becoming very away with how close their bodies were – Michael’s lower half completely pressed perfectly against Luke’s own – and how awkward it would be if Luke were to get hard right now. He remembered clearly the first night back in the USA, and how Luke had been worried about the same thing when he and Michael had cuddled for the first time in weeks..

Michael was then smirking. Smirking with his dumb lips. His dumb, deep pink, desirable lips. Luke made the realization then that this was going to be how he died. Underneath Michael. Completely intoxicated by his beauty.

Michael then chuckled, low and sinister. Luke was completely frozen where he was. The younger boy knew he was stronger than Michael and could throw him off himself if he wanted to. But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

The red head slowly lowered his face, and for a moment Luke actually thought Michael was going to kiss him. But his face went to the blonde’s left side and his mouth stopped at his ear.

“I always win when it comes to you.” The older boy’s voice sent shivers down Luke’s spine, and goose bumps across his skin. Whatever Michael was doing, it mesmerized and terrified Luke equally.

Then, without warning, Michael attached his lips to the spot underneath Luke’s ear and sucked harshly.

It was like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on Luke while he was sleeping. He was suddenly very awake and very aware of everything – and that Michael was on top of him and giving him a love bite. The mere thought of that nearly made Luke moan aloud, but he swallowed it in the moment. Everything he had been subconsciously dreaming about for god knows how long was now happening before his eyes. The boy Luke loved was pressed against his skin above him, abusing his neck in the most pleasurable way possible. But instead of feeling absolute bliss, Luke only felt sorrow.

Luke had a painful second-long flashback of a day the previous year, when Michael had come back from hanging out with Harry, and he had a dark red mark on his neck. Michael said they were just messing around, and it didn’t mean anything.

It didn’t mean anything.

Michael didn’t love Luke the way Luke loved him. Of course he didn’t. This was all a game to him. And Luke was letting him win.

Michael then let go, and Luke thought it was over, but he reattached himself and bit down more, tugging at the sensitive skin. This time, Luke reacted.

Before a moan could escape his lips, the blond boy used his strength advantage over the boy on top of him and pushed him off completely. Luke felt exposed under Michael’s confused stare, and he quickly moved to the side of the bed. He sat up so his back was facing Michael.

“What?” He heard Michael ask from behind him.

The whole thing was so fucked up. It was all just so fucking fucked up. Michael was Luke’s best friend and because Luke had to go and fall in love with him it was messing up everything. Yeah, the whole hickey-giving thing would have thrown Luke off even if this tension didn’t already exist between them, but not in this way. Luke thought it was getting better. He really did. But he was incredibly and hopelessly wrong.

“Did I…did I go too far? I was just messing around.” Michael’s words cut into Luke’s ears, and he nearly wallowed out from the internal pain he was feeling in his heart. He felt so empty and full at the same time, neither of them being a good feeling.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Luke.” The younger boy could hear the regret in Michael’s voice. Luke felt a dip in the bed, where he assumed Michael was moving towards him. Luke flinched away by impulse. Michael stopped moving. “I don’t – I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t mean to…”

Luke was using everything inside him not to cry. If only Michael knew what was going through Luke’s head; that he was gay, that he loved Michael. Luke wished he knew. At least about the first part. Then he would understand. But the younger boy’s mouth was glue shut, and he couldn’t bring himself to open it.

“I’ll just…go.” Michael said, suddenly off the bed behind Luke. “I’m sorry. I –”

“I’m gay.”

Silence filled the room.

Luke still wasn’t facing Michael, but he knew that the older boy had stopped moving and was staring at him.

“What?”

Luke gulped, and turned around to meet Michael’s eyes. They were a mixture of confusion and shock and pleading. Luke had to remind himself to breathe.

“I’m gay.” He repeated, his voice surprisingly sounding stronger than it had before.

“…oh.” Michael said carefully.

“Or bi…I don’t know,” Luke turned himself on the bed so he was facing Michael, still sitting down. “I’m still figuring it out. I just didn’t want…I didn’t that it was fair to you in that moment that you didn’t know.” Luke again felt exposed and uncomfortable in Michael’s silence. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Lukey…”

In a split second, Michael was back on the bed with Luke, but this time pulling him into a huge hug. And, for the first time, Luke felt the weight of the fact he was anything but straight. He was overwhelmed with acceptance and relief from his best friend. He hugged him back fully, squeezing him back as hard as he could without hurting either of them. He felt at ease with himself for the first time in days.

“You know I wouldn’t give a shit about that, right?” Michael said into Luke’s hair, as Luke buried the right side of his face into Michael’s chest. He could hear his heart beating somewhat rapidly. “I mean, not in a bad way. Like, it doesn’t change anything. You’re my best friend and I love you.”

“I knew you wouldn’t care,” Luke said with a sigh, “I just –”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner then?” He asked as nicely as he could.

“Well…It’s kind of recent.”

“Like, how recent?”

“Past few days.”

“…oh.”

“I mean, it’s probably been longer than that.” Luke admitted, not moving from his place in Michael’s arms. As he had stated before, it was one of his favorite places to be. “But like, I’ve just come to terms with it the past few days.”

“Makes sense.” Michael concluded, as he leaned back onto the pillows with Luke still in his arms, so they could be a little more comfortable. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. It must have felt scary, and confusing…and alone.”

Luke chuckled. “You have no idea.”

Michael shifted slightly under Luke. “I have somewhat of an idea.”

Luke snorted. “Please, indulge me.”

Silence filled the room yet again.

“Well…I wouldn’t want to steal your thunder, but…”

Luke’s entire body tensed. It clicked in his mind what Michael was about to say, and he wondered if all of this was just a dream.

“I’ve been where you are.”

“Oh.” Luke’s voice was small. He didn’t know what to say. He was so shocked. He almost didn’t believe the words coming out of Michael’s mouth about him. But he wouldn’t joke around with something like this, especially when Luke just came out to him.

“Bi, just so you know.” Michael’s voice was nervous, and Luke really wanted to comfort him the way Michael comforted him. But the blonde’s mind was going 100 miles per minute, trying to put all the pieces together. He was guiltily excited and tremendously terrified at the same time.

“How…long?” He figured that would be a good place to start.

“A few years.” Michael was rubbing his thumb over the younger boy’s shoulder, probably trying to comfort himself more than Luke at this point, but it still helped decrease Luke’s tenseness.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Mikey?” Luke questioned. “Or have you already told the others? Am I the only one who doesn’t know?”

“No no no, I wouldn’t tell the others and not you!” The older boy squeezed Luke tighter into him, and for once Luke let go of his inhibitions and melted into him. “But I do think that Calum knows. He’s made jokes about it before and I haven’t denied them, so I’m pretty sure he has some idea of the truth. Honestly, I thought you all knew deep down that I was. I haven’t exactly been hiding it.”

“Sorry I’m a shit friend.” Luke said as he buried his face into Michael’s chest.

“You should be.” Michael said sarcastically, and Luke could feel him smirking above him. They were alright.

They laid in silence for a few minutes before Michael spoke up again. “Have YOU told any of the other boys?”

“No.” Luke said simply. “But I think Calum knows. I think he knew long before I did.”

“How?”

“Just a feeling.” Luke remembered vividly Calum’s comment about Michael being ‘Luke’s boy’ when they were getting off the plane a week ago. He shuddered at the thought, and attempted to get his mind off that subject.

“Yeah, I feel like Calum’s got a really good intuition.” Michael nodded above Luke.

 “And Ashton’s got such a shit one.”

They both laughed.

“Ashton’s the most oblivious fucker.” Michael said through his laughed. “It almost amazes me how someone could be so unaware of some things, you know?”

“Yeah, same.” Luke replied, though he had another oblivious boy on his mind at the moment.

“Well,” The red head pat Luke on the back. “We went from facetiming butts to admitting our gayness to each other. I’m thinking we should call it a night?”

“Good idea.” Luke yawned and stretched out of Michael’s arms. “We’ve had a pretty wild night. Shall I get the lights?”

“Yes, please.”

Luke stood up and turned off the lights while Michael got undressed, and they ended up in the same bed together, in each other’s arms, yet again.

“You didn’t check twitter, did you?” The older boy asked through the darkness.

“No, why?” Luke asked.

“No reason.” Michael said giggling, but before Luke could ask him what it was about, Michael was speaking again.

“This is okay, right?” Michael asked as he hesitantly pulled the covers over them.

“Yeah, of course.” Luke responded. “Sorry for being weird earlier, I just –”

“Shhhhh, sleep time.” Michael whispered, and he turned his back to the younger boy, still snuggled into him. Luke was smiling almost painfully. He felt content and honest in Michael’s presence for the first time in a week. It took him no time at all to fall asleep.

~~~

Luke awoke in a panic. He could feel his swollen dick pressed to Michael’s back, and that simple thought made it worse. In his sleepiness, he nearly didn’t think his actions through, and almost couldn’t constrain himself from thrusting into Michael’s back to get some kind of relief. Luckily, he pulled himself together before he did so.

He forced himself to roll over and look at the clock. 4:48AM. No one should ever be awake between 4 and 5 am, Luke concluded. All he wanted in that moment was to fall back asleep and forget about his not-so-little problem down there, but he was aware of how useless this wish was.

He dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom, discarded his pants and began to work himself. It almost felt too good. He hadn’t done this in weeks, for reasons too obvious. He was afraid of what he would think about when he did.

He tried to keep his thoughts on girls. Literally any attractive female celebrity he could think of. His mind even travelled to Aliesha for a moment, before he almost considered giving up. That was the moment he let his guard down and Michael slipped into his mind.

He always told himself, since the night he realized he loved Michael, that he wouldn’t masturbate to him. It was simply counter-productive to what he was trying to accomplish – getting over him. But the moment Michael entered his mind, he was done for.

Luke let out a groan as he pumped himself up and down to the thought of his best friend. His best friend, who he was in love with, who was also gay. Luke was still giddy about this fact, and it only intensified his movements.

Suddenly, almost violently, Luke remembered why he had woken up in the first place. He was having a dream, and in it Michael was on top of him, similar to how they were positioned earlier that night. Except this time Michael’s lips were on his and their hands were roaming each other. Michael was thrusting into Luke in painfully slow, like he knew exactly what he was doing to him. And Luke loved it. He then remembered Michael stopping, and making enough room between both of them to unzip Luke’s jeans.

Luke moaned aloud, not caring if Michael woke up at this point. Luke’s hand on his dick, stroking it the same way Michael had in his dream. He remembered the way Michael’s veins in his arms were flaring as he increased his speed as Luke approached his orgasm. He also remembered Michael looking into his eyes, all dark and full of want, and then leaning down to kiss the same spot beneath his ear he had abused earlier that night.

The next thing Luke knew, he was cumming, on his hand, alone, in the bathroom. He was sweating and panting as he came down from his high. He quickly cleaned up and tried to ignore the growing regret inside his head.

He looked at himself in the mirror and examined his neck. There was a red mark in the spot Michael had attacked earlier, but it was already fading. It would be gone in a day.  Luke genuinely didn’t know whether he was happy or sad about that.

He was then overwhelmed with guilt for thinking about Michael while he jacked off. It was almost like an invasion of his privacy – he was sure Michael wouldn’t be comfortable with Luke if he knew what the blond just did. They had just had a heart-to heart with each other, and instead of respecting the information Michael trusted to Luke, the younger boy went off and masturbated to it. Michael was right, Luke was a shit friend. It just wasn’t fair to him.

This whole situation wasn’t fair, Luke decided. He forced himself to stop being sorry for himself in his still half-asleep state and made his way back into the bedroom. When he emerged, Michael was still sound asleep in their bed, but Luke couldn’t help but feel very wrong about going back to sleep with him. He debated in his mind for a moment before crashing on the other bed in the room, trying to not think about how sad he really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo......???
> 
> Please leave comments/kudos or hit me up on my [tumblr!](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I meant to get this chapter out earlier this week but my laptop was having issues so that didn't happen...BUT it is within a week like I promised! Enjoy!

“Fucking ties, man.” Ashton said, pulling his phone out of his pocket to take a picture of his atrocious attempt to tie his tie around his neck.

“Maybe if you weren’t so busy tweeting it,”Calum began, walking over to fix Ashton’s tie for him, “you would be able to focus on tying it correctly.”

“First of all, its Instagram, not Twitter.”Ashton argued, not letting his eyes leave his phone. “Second, I think I’m just overall tie challenged. I can barely tie my shoes, honestly. I always try to find them with zippers.”

“Practice makes perfect.”Calum said, deeply focused on getting the older boy’s tie perfect.

“Thanks, babe.” Ashton said when he finished, and the two giggly boys bro-hugged.

“Honestly disgusting.”Luke commented from the table across the room from them, already dressed in his nice shirt and tie for their photo shoot that day. He had directed it to Michael, hoping to make him laugh at how both adorable and repulsive Calum and Ashton were being, but the red head only responded with a “mhm”. He didn’t even bother to look up from his phone., and unfortunately, Luke wasn’t surprised. This was how Michael had been acting since they got in the car this morning, and Luke had been too nervous to ask what was so interesting on that phone of his that tore him away from reality.

The day following their big confessions to each other had been like any other day. Michael had acted like nothing had changed between them, which both relieved and disappointed the blond. He felt like he had laid himself out in front of Michael, and he had done the same for Luke –yet he was acting as if it didn’t happen at all. _He probably thinks that_ _’_ _s what I want,_ Luke knew, so he tried not to let himself get too worked up. Michael was just trying to do what made Luke happy.

They had flown to LA that day, and spent most of their day fucking around in the hotels, either playing video games or watching movies or just laying around talking. It was a nice break from everything, and Luke had missed this laid-back time with his three best friends.  But today, they were doing a photo shoot dressed in ties and nice shirts in the middle of nowhere California. Luke had missed what the photo shoot was for because he was too busy stalking Michael’s old instagram pictures –he wasn’t proud, but at least he was honest –and now he was too afraid to ask.

Michael groaned and dropped his phone on the table, startling Luke. “What’s wrong?”

“My phone fucking died.”Michael rubbed his eyes. “The reception in this place is awful, it used all my battery just searching for the little service it had.”

“I’m sorry.”It was all Luke could think to say.

“Can I use yours?”Michael asked, a hopeful smile growing on his face.

“What for, anyways?” Luke plucked up enough courage to ask. “You’ve been glued to it since you woke up this morning.”

“I’m DMing Taylor.”Michael said excitingly.

Luke’s heart was, for the millionth time this week, being crushed under the weight of Michael’s words. He hated himself for giving Michael this power over him –over his happiness. It was really unfair how the smallest things Michael did or say could change Luke’s mood for hours, or even days.

And Luke was tired of not doing anything about it.

“I mean, I have shitty reception too…”Luke said, choosing his words carefully. “I don’t want you wasting my battery too.”

“Oh…”Michael said, not necessarily mad.“That’s understandable. Can I at least message her that I have to go?”

Luke thought about it for a minute. He really should let him. If it was anyone else, he would. But even though Michael had said a few days ago that he knew he didn’t have a chance with her, Luke still had a feeling Michael hadn’t given up completely yet.

“I thought you said she thought you were immature?”

“What?”Michael said, caught off guard.

“I thought you said you had been really embarrassing around her,”Luke said confidently. “And that you were boring her the whole night.”

“Well,”Michael stood up to join Luke, who had stood up a moment earlier than him, “I messaged her the next day, telling her I had a great time, and we’ve been talking since then.”

“I didn’t know that.”The blond said, hurt at both facts that Michael didn’t tell him and well…the fact that it happened. “The last thing you told me was that you had a shitty night and it didn’t go the way you wanted.”

“And the last thing I remember about our conversation was you comforting me about it.”Michael’s brow was furrowed. “Though you don’t seem very sympathetic to my situation now.”

Luke just sighed and looked away from the older boy. He wasn’t going to give in this time.

“Sorry, Michael. But I really don’t want to lose any more battery on my phone.”

“’sfine. Forget it.” Michael glared at Luke as he walked away towards Calum, though it appeared to be more out of annoyance than anger. Luke took a deep breath and exhaled, and attempted to not let loose it and punch the nearest wall. He was tired of feeling like shit because of Michael. He was worn out and exhausted from the stress Michael caused him, and this feeling for the red headed boy only grew increasingly throughout the day.

~~~

The rest of the photo shoot passed slowly and almost painfully. Most of the pictures they took were individual, so there was a lot sitting and waiting for your turn to take photos. Luke was bored out of his mind.

Michael spent most of his time glued to Calum and a dog at the photo shoot, Gizmo. Luke watched from afar as they played with the puppy for hours on end, while both Ashton and Luke had their turns having their pictures taken. Michael’s mood seemed more positive after spending time with the dog, but when Luke had gone over to join the fun, Michael had stiffened, and when he noticed the younger boy wasn’t leaving anytime soon, he pretended to get distracted with watching Ashton take his pictures and gravitated away from Luke. It made Luke roll his eyes –he might be being a little ridiculous in not letting Michael not use his phone, but Michael was just being downright immature. He couldn’t even look Luke in the eye. Luke had never wanted to strangle someone AND kiss them all better at the same time.

After what seemed like a million hours, the boys were on their way home. Luke hung behind for a moment to assure himself a seat up front with Calum, so he didn’t have to share the back seat with Michael, like he usually had to.

The ride back to the hotel was long. Ashton fell asleep the entire way, while Luke and Calum stayed up talking about their last show coming up the next day. Michael had taken borrowed Ashton’s ipod while he slept and stared out the window into the darkness. He looked miserable. _Must be hard not being able to DM your twitter bff all day,_ Luke thought to himself. He sighed in defeat.

When they arrived in the hotel room, Michael had pushed past Luke to get into the room. The first thing he did was plug in his phone.

“Would you grow up?”Luke murmured under his voice, letting his annoyance get the better of him.

Michael whipped around to scowl at him. The red head then turned his whole body to Luke, crossing his arms.

“What the hell is your problem with me today?”

_Today? Try the past week._

“Problem?” Luke acted innocent. “What do you mean problem?”

“You’ve been acting pissed at me all day. What did I do to you?”

_You did everything. You made me fall in love with you._

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe ignore me all day? And avoid me at all cost?”

“I only did that because you acted like I asked you to hand me your first born when I asked to borrow your phone for a minute?”

Luke sighed. He wanted to scream the truth in Michael’s face. He could, right now, standing in front of him, alone in a hotel room in LA. The blond felt beat to shit, so weary and burnt out, and the words were on the tip of his tongue –

“I swear to god, Hemmings. You can be the most selfish and self-centered person sometimes.”Michael pushed past Luke to get to his suitcase against the wall.

“What the fuck?”Luke turned his head to follow michael’s stride, completely unaware of what michael was talking about. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like!” Michael was nearly screaming now. “Every time I talk about someone else –like Taylor or Geordie–you get all quiet and pissy. I go to you about my problems because you’re SUPPOSED to be my best friend and you’re SUPPOSED to comfort me and give me advice. But you always act like I’m stupid for caring for trying to talk to them. Like everything I do is pointless and meaningless. Face it, Luke. You’re just _jealous_.”

“J-jealous!?” Words caught in Luke’s throat and everything thought it his mind was jumbled from the rage he was feeling. “What the fuck do I have to be jealous about? You talking to girls who will never care about you as more than a little immature punk?”

“At least I’m trying!”Michael was so close to Luke, screaming in his face. “At least I’m TRYING to make relationships out of the band! All you do is just mope around all day like a sad little puppy and stick to your 3 best friends and get jealous when they have other friends than you! You know what Luke? I think YOU’RE the immature one. So fuck off.”

As if on que, Ashton slammed the door open just at that moment. He had his headphones in and was dancing a little in his walk as came in the room. He stopped abruptly and pulled out an earbud when he saw the way Michael and Luke were standing in front of each other.

“What’s going on here, boys?”He asked in a suspicious voice. “Everything alright? I was just coming in to ask if your boys were interested in joining Cal and I in going to the basement bar in this hotel. Feldy said it was, in his words, ‘bouncing’.”

“Just dandy.” Luke said, glaring at Michael. He felt like he was going to cry from the intense mixture of fury and pain from Michael’s words inside him. “I’ll join you. Unfortunatly, Michael’s not feeling good so he’s going to be staying in the room sulking by his sorry ass self while he jacks off to a picture of Taylor Swift.”

“Yup! Luke’s right, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing.”Michael broke his dirty stare at Luke and grabbed his towel on the ground and walking to bathroom door. “Oh, by the way Ashton, don’t let Luke to forget his pacifier on the way out. He tends to get all whiny and turns into a crybaby without it.”

Luke’s frustration had hit it’s peak. He couldn’t hold himself from screaming at the top of his lungs at Michael’s back, “YOU’RE DRIVING ME INSANE!”

“Likewise!” Michael shouted back angrily as he slammed the door shut.

“Whoa whoa whoa, calm down Luke.”Ashton was at Luke’s side immediately, wrapping an arm around his waist and looking deep into his eyes. “What’s going on between you and Michael? What did he say to you?”

“He said everything and nothing.”Luke was on the verge of breaking. He couldn’t believe Michael said those words to him, with no sign of sarcasm. He meant every one of them.

Luke couldn’t handle the pain in his heart. He had to push it far away, so far back in his mind until he didn’t feel it anymore. He thought alcohol could be a great way to do this.

“We’ll be back to normal in the morning.”Luke lied to Ashton. “I could really use a beer right now. Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Yeah, sure.” The older boy said, patting Luke on the back. “As long as you’re okay, I trust you. So you’re okay?”

“I’m okay.”Luke responded. He promised himself he would never lie to Ashton again.

~~~

“I doubt whatever they’re talking about could really be THAT funny.” Calum commented, not looking at Luke, but staring straight across the bar from them. He was staring at Ashton, who was sitting with John Feldy and a few of the other adult men from their crew, laughing over something the youngest boy there said.

Calum took another drink of his beer and continued talking, and Luke was honestly trying his hardest to pay attention to him, but his mind kept slipping. His thoughts continually crept back to the boy upstairs in his room, probably talking shit about Luke to Geordie right now, since she’s most likely awake right now. Or maybe he’s talking to Taylor through DMs about how much of an asshole Luke is. Both thoughts were bleak, and Luke needed more alcohol to wash them away.

“I mean, he drags us all the way down here,” Calum continued with his rant, grabbing the two shots he had ordered and handed one to Luke, “And then he ditches us the moment he gets here! Some friend.”

“’thought Feldy asked to borrow him for a second.” Luke said after swallowing the shot and wincing. “They’ve only been talking for a few minutes.”

“Its been 11 minutes, Luke!” Calum complained, holding up his phone as proof.

“I’m sure he’ll be done in a minute. They look like their discussing something serious right now.”

Calum and Luke both stared at the men across the bar. Feldy was talking fast like he always did, and Ashton was listening intently, and looking like he was contemplating something serious.

“Whatever.” Calum turned around back to the bartender. “I’m not drunk enough for this. Can we each get another beer?”

“Not drunk enough for what?” Luke asked, swallowing the last of his first beer. “Ashton talking to anyone that’s not you?”

“What!?!?” Calum looked terrified. “No, what the hell? That’s not what I – he just invited us and I –”

“Chill out, Calum, it was just a joke.” Luke chucked as he picked up his next beer, trying to not stare at Calum’s reddening face.

“I was more concerned about why Feldy wanted to talk to only Ashton, and not us.” Calum finally said, gulping his beer down.

“Uh-huh.” Luke rolled his eyes continued drinking his thoughts away.

~~~

3 beers and 2 shots later, and Luke definitely feels it. Or, better yet, doesn’t feel it. He’s laughing it up with Calum, making fun of the guy next to them who accidentally spilled the majority of his drink on the girl he was hitting on. The blond could feel his body tingling and he could assume his face was flushed from intoxication. He didn’t feel the overwhelming sorrow he’s been subjected to the past week, and it’s a nice.

He suddenly felt an arm swing across his shoulder, and for a split second he thought Michael had come down to join them. He was filled with anxiety and excitement all at once, until his eyes caught up with him and realized it was Ashton.

“Hows it goes, my boys?” The dimply boy said through his giggles, swaying and crashing into calum, removing his arm from Luke. He was even farther gone than Luke and Calum combined, surprisingly.

“Jesus, you’re wasted.” Calum said, but he was laughing. It was like all of the tension was relieved from him with Ashton once again near him – a tension that not even alcohol could remove from him.

“A little party never killed nobody.” Ashton pointed into the air, at nothing, and grabbed the drink out of Calum’s hand and drunk it. Calum didn’t seem to mind.

Luke sighed. One moment he was fine, laughing and having a good time with his dark-haired best friend, but in an instant his mind was brought back to michael.

He hated his own mind.

Even in his drunken state, Luke didn’t understand how he could ever have mistaken Ashton’s clumsy arm around his neck for Michael’s. Michael is much more stable when he’s hammered – if Michael were to have been drunk and approached Luke at the bar, he would have slipped his arm around luke’s waist and rested it there, and maybe put his nose in Luke’s neck, whispering a small but giggly “Hi.” Luke would have smirked at how drunken Michael was, and the older boy would have argued he wasn’t, just playful banter that had almost become something scripted between the two when they went out partying.

Luke suddenly realized how much he missed Michael. He missed the way his eyes would dilate when his alcohol intake was too high, the way he would dance alone on the dance floor if he was _really_ drunk and the other boys wouldn’t join him. But most of all, he missed the way Michael would be so gentle with Luke, and almost treat blond like he was made of glass when he was drunk. He had always done that, ever since the first time Luke had gotten drunk. Michael had been there, and he made sure Luke felt safe and had fun the entire time.

Luke wanted to be with Michael right then. Not anyone else. Just _his boy._

“I wanna dance!” Ashton announced loudly, slamming the empty beer bottle down. “Calum, dance with me?”

“Hm, what do you say, Luke?” Calum looked up from the boy in his arms, wiggling an eyebrow. “Up for a little self-embarrassment?”

“You two go ahead.” Luke said, pulling some money out of his wallet to hand to the bartender. “I’m going back to the room.”

“Turning in early?” Calum asked, surprised. “It’s only 1am.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” Luke put his wallet back in his pocket and stood up, nearly wobbling over.

“I didn’t ask him to dance, CALUM!” Ashton said, just now catching up with the conversation. “I asked YOU!”

“Have fun with YOUR boy.” Luke winked at Calum, and then walked away before the dark haired boy had a chance to respond. Luke honestly didn’t know what he meant by that – Calum and Ashton were both the straightest people he knew, and were just best buds – but his mind was too busy to give a fuck.

Michael was clouding every part of his mind, every party of his body, every part of his heart.

~~~

Luke stumbled out of the elevator and nearly face-planted into the ground. He may have been slightly more drunk that he originally thought he was. He didn’t really have a plan for how he was going to approach Michael. All he wanted was to be snuggled against his boy right now – maybe they could watch a movie together or just bask in the silence of each other’s presence. Luke would take anything he could get.

It took Luke a full 60 seconds to find his room key in his pocket before entering the room. He staggered in and grabbed the wall to stabilize himself, when he heard a surprised and nervous, “Luke?”

Michael was sitting in his bed, shirtless and on his laptop. He was freshly showered, and he looked extremely cozy, as if he had made a little nest for himself. The only thing Luke noticed different about him were his red-rimmed eyes that looked like he had been crying. But he wasn’t crying now. He looked fine.

“I…I’m sorry about earlier.” Michael closed his laptop and set it on the ground next to his bed, then turning back to Luke. “What I said was out of anger and it was – it was misplaced. I wanted to stay awake to make sure you wouldn’t go to bed mad at me. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was dumb for me to get mad at you not letting me use your phone, and you’re not immature. You’re a great friend and have helped me out through so much over the past few years and I–”

The oldest boy had stopped talking. He was staring at Luke, who in turn was staring back at him. Luke had listened to Michael, but hadn’t heard a single word he had said. He was too busy staring at Michael’s lips. His fucking _lips_. They were the prettiest lips Luke had seen. He thought that same thought every time he saw them, and all he had ever wanted to do was feel them on his lips.

And he was tired of waiting.

Luke lunged himself forward – uncoordinated and unbalanced – and fell on the bed on top of his friend. He crawled up so they were face to face, and Luke slipped a hand behind the older boy’s neck. He glanced up into Michael’s eyes, brushing noses with him in the process. The blond waiting for Michael to move away, get out from Luke’s grasp and accuse him of a high level of intoxication.

But Michael didn’t move. There was a hint of confusion in his eyes, but he wasn’t resisting.

So Luke went for it.

He meant for it to be slow and sweet, but his excitement got the better of him. He crashed his lips into Michael’s roughly, teeth stinging from such force. He backed up slightly and kissed him properly, taking in this moment forever. Michael’s lips were as soft as he had always imagined they would be. Luke thought he must be dreaming, this couldn’t be real, he couldn’t really have Michael like this under him.

Michael’s lips weren’t moving, but Luke didn’t care. He kissed him again, moving his hand into Michael’s hair tugging at it lightly. To Luke’s surprise, Michael groaned, only slightly above a whisper. Luke took advantage of Michael’s mouth opening to deepen the kiss, and finally, _finally,_ Michael kissed him back, slipping his tongue into Luke’s mouth. It was Luke’s turn to moan, feeling all of his deepest fantasies come to life before him.

The blond continued to kiss Michael, tongues brushing against each other as he moved his hand against Michael’s bare torso, feeling the smooth skin on his fingertips. Michael let out a moan and – finally – moved his hands up to rest on Luke’s back, and Luke felt nothing but absolute bliss. Michael was the best kisser Luke had ever kissed, and he was _actually kissing Luke back. Michael was kissing Luke back._

Luke was suddenly overcome with arousal, and without thinking he grinded his hips against Michael’s, receiving a loud moan from the boy underneath him. Luke took in the image of the older boy; scrunching his eyes shut, mouth slightly open, red and puffy from the excess of kissing. Michael was just so beautiful, and Luke wanted to make him feel incredible.

So Luke continued to grind down, one, two more times, feeling his dick get harder and harder with every thrust. He dipped his head down to kiss Michael’s collar bone a few times before eventually sucking down hard, emitting little beautiful noises from Michael that went straight to his dick. Luke wanted to take off his clothes and be skin-to-skin with Michael. He wanted that contact so badly that it was the only thing that stopped his grinding. The younger boy reached down between them to unzip his skinny jeans, but until Michael unexpectedly grabbed Luke’s hand and stopped him.

“Luke,” Michael gasped, out of breath and eyes wide. “This is a bad idea. Don’t do something…” Michael was literally gasping for breath with Luke on top of him. “You’re going to regret in the morning. You’re hammered…you’re not thinking straight…Please, Luke.”

 _No,_ Luke thought. _No, no no._  Luke’s entire world was crashing down on him and it was all his fault. Why did he ever think this would be a good idea? Now Michael knew Luke loved him, and Michael confirmed that didn’t love him back. Every miniscule hope that Luke had for Michael to love him back was now extinct. And now he had ruined his friendship with his most favorite and best friend.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was because Luke’s heart was breaking inside him – But Luke started to cry. Hard. He was too drained from the night to hold it back, so he didn’t. He let it all out.

And Michael, of course, being the amazing human he was, just pulled Luke into an embrace. Luke at first jerked away, feeling uncomfortable doing this to Michael, but the older boy forced him to stay, saying, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” over and over again, as if Luke would ever believe him.

“I’ve ruined everything.” Luke said through his sobs, realizing he was probably getting snot and tears all over Michael’s chest. He once again tried to move out of Michael’s grasp, but Michael held him tight.

“You haven’t ruined anything.” Michael said, with a somewhat even voice. Luke could tell he was lying.

“I’m sorry.” was all Luke could say. It wasn’t enough, and it would probably never be enough.

“Nothing to be sorry for.” Michael said, rubbing Luke’s back with his hand, and it calmed Luke enough to get his sobs so slight sniffles.

Luke was beginning to lose consciousness, completely exhausted from crying, the alcohol and making out. He muttered something about moving to his own bed, and Michael said something about him taking care of Luke, and that’s all the blond remembered before his fatigue carried him to sleep, into another world that wasn't as fucked up as the world Luke had created for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.....???
> 
> Please leave comments/kudos or hit me up on my [tumblr!](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO LOVELIES :)  
> Okay so this chapter is by far the longest, and it's the second to last chapter! I wanted to say thank you for all the love I've received from everyone for this, it's been so much fun to write!  
> HERE IT IS!

The first few seconds Luke spent waking up, all he could think about was the pounding in his head. He had definitely never been as drunk as he was the night before, and his intense hangover wouldn’t let him forget it. But it didn’t take long for him to remember the kissing and the touching and _Michael telling him to stop_. He groaned and curled into a ball, almost beginning to cry in his sorrow again, until he realized he was alone in his bed, and wasn’t alone when he had fallen asleep.

His eyes shot open and he surveyed the room. Michael’s suitcase was still there, thank god, but there was no sign of him anywhere. He didn’t hear the shower on either. He must have left.

Luke reached for his phone and immediately panicked when he saw the time. It was 1:39PM, and he probably needed to be at the venue in less than 2 hours to start getting ready for interviews and rehearsal, leaving Luke with little time to pack or eat or much of anything else.

He had 6 text messages waiting for him – one from his mum, one from his brother, one from Ashton, and three from Michael. The blond gulped just at imagining what the text from Michael could be – will he be yelling at him for ruining their friendship? Telling Luke straight forward that he will never love him? Letting Luke know he had moved to Paraguay and will probably never see him again? Luke held his breath while he unlocked his phone and opened his messages.

He decided to rip the band aid off and read Michael’s texts first:

**From: Mikey (9:13AM)**

**Hey, so I woke up early with a dead arm (thanks to you haha) and I just really needed to get out of the room and walk around a bit. So I’m going to breakfast with Ash. Just didn’t want you to freak out when you woke up alone**

**From: Mikey (9:15AM)**

**Btw, idk if you blacked out again last night or not, but if you didn’t…just know we’re okay, and everything is okay, okay? Love you bro**

**From: Mikey (11:47AM)**

**I just went back into our room and you’re still asleep. Jesus. Anyways I’m going to the venue early with Calum bc he broke a fucking guitar string and needs someone to fix it ASAP. See you there**

Luke sighed deeply, taking it all in. So Michael didn’t hate him – that was good to hear. Or at least he was pretending he didn’t, for the sake of the band. He had every reason to hate the younger boy, for taking advantage of him for Luke’s own personal desire.

Luke hated himself. He hated what he had become – this miserable, lonely being who constantly sulked around, affecting the moods of everyone around him, only because he was unhappy that he couldn’t have what he wanted. Michael. He wanted him so bad, but there was nothing in the world that could make that happen.

And to think Luke thought it would be easy to stop loving Michael. What Luke had hoped might be just a phase had turned out to be one of the hardest things Luke had ever tried to accomplish. Seeing Michael’s face, hearing his laugh, and feeling his skin every day for months on end will make this task difficult, and Luke didn’t know if he could do it.

But he didn’t have a choice. He was going to have to stop loving him, not for himself, but for his band, their career, and of course, Michael.

Luke read the 3 words Michael had ended the second text with – “Love you, bro” – over and over again until he began to feel sick. He closed out of the older boy’s messages and looked at his others.

His mother sent a nice text, telling him how excited she and his dad were to see him, and the text from his brother Jack was similar. _Maybe going home and spending some time apart from Michael will do us justice,_ Luke hoped optimistically. Maybe it could save the sliver of friendship they still had.

The text from Ashton was short and to the point, basically stating that if Luke didn’t have his ass out of bed and ready to go by 3PM that they would perform without him. Luke began to wonder if the initial pounding he heard when he woke up was actually Ashton knocking on the door instead of it just being in his head. He pulled himself out of bed and to the shower, to prepare for his last show for a while.

~~~

Luke knocked on Ashton’s door nervously. He knew Michael had taken a walk with him this morning, and probably told the oldest boy everything. And even though Luke knew Ashton was a great person, and would love Luke no matter what, the blond couldn’t not expect a scolding from him. Ashton didn’t like avoiding the elephant in the room whenever there was one, and Luke could imagine him yelling at Luke for making Michael feel so uncomfortable he had to wake up before his usual morning awakening at 11AM.

But when Ashton opened the door, there was a huge grin wrapped around his face. “Nice to see sleeping beauty finally woke up! Thought if my drumming on the door wouldn’t wake you up, nothing would.”

Luke couldn’t help but smile. “Were you by chance drumming the tune to I Miss You? Because I’m pretty sure that song has been stuck in my head since the moment I woke up.”

Ashton laughed; big and loud, eyes scrunched shut. “I actually was! That’s incredible!” He pulled Luke inside the room after him and let the door close.

“So, you’re completely ready to go then?” Ashton inquired, sitting next to his empty suitcase.

“Yeah, everything’s all packed.” Luke smiled. “Why isn’t your suitcase packed?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me.” Ashton said, looking a little nervous. “I’ll be packed in time.”

“Alright.” Luke said, confused at Ashton’s secretiveness. “Are we leaving then?”

“Yup.” Ashton said, patting Luke on the back. “It’s the last show of the year tonight. Let’s make it the best.”

The two boys left the hotel room, and as they walked down the hall Luke was trying to decipher what the reasoning behind Ashton’s sketchiness was. It very well may be due to Michael telling Ashton what Luke did to him last night – but Luke felt like it was something more than that. He decided that Ashton would tell him if it was important.

~~~

By the time they reached the People’s Choice Awards venue, Luke felt nothing but apathy. It was a horrible feeling; to be feeling so much, then eventually break, and then feel nothing at all. The ride to the venue had been quiet – Ashton being unusually quiet the whole way – and left Luke to his own thoughts. He ranged from being incredibly sorry for himself, to being angry, to being sad, to being excited to go home, to being nervous about seeing Michael. Everything was running together in his head and in his heart that he finally stopped feeling sick and started feeling indifferent.

There was no changing what happened the night previous. It was in the past. And whatever happened that night, happened, and Luke would make it work the best he could. Worrying would get him nowhere.

When they got inside the venue, Ashton immediately asked someone “where the other lanky Australian teenage boys were in the building”, and they directed them to a room down the hall. Halfway there, Ashton got a call from Feldy, and signaled to Luke to keep walking while he stayed behind to talk. The nerves in Luke’s body finally began to kick in as he continued down the hall.

His nerves were completely blown away when he walked into the ballroom and saw his red haired band mate standing with his pants down in front of Calum, who was videotaping it. Michael spotted Luke immediately, and his face lit up at the sight.

“Luke! Quick!” He mouthed across the room to him. “Take a picture!”

“What?” Luke was completely confused as to what was going on, but Michael was waving his arms in exasperation and Luke fumbled with his pocket to get his phone out.

He walked closer to get the picture just right, and Michael smiled with his mouth open and had both thumbs up as Luke took the picture. Calum was nearly on the ground laughing, and Michael was beaming. Luke couldn’t help himself but laugh along, asking them, “What the fuck!?”

“Calum dared me to do it.” Michael said between laughs, pulling his pants up. Calum nodded. “Couldn’t turn down a dare.”

“I can’t – I can’t believe you just –” Calum couldn’t control himself, and tears from laughter were beginning to form in his eyes.

“PLEASE send me that picture, Luke.” Michael said, wrapping his arm around Luke’s shoulder. Luke forced himself to stay put and not pull away. He looked down at his phone to send the picture to Michael, the older boy looking down at the phone with him. “Why didn’t you answer my texts this morning?”

“Um,” Luke began to panic, but he quickly found an answer. “I woke up really late, and I was so shocked by the time I forgot to respond. Sorry.”

“Hey, where’s Ashton?” Calum asked, looking around the room for him.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Michael said, and Luke physically winced, remembering those same words Michael had told him the night before. As if he remembered too, Michael squeezed Luke’s shoulder, and asked, “We’re alright, right?”

“Yeah.” Luke said shortly, gulping down the grief in his throat.

“Good.” Michael said, smiling, but it looked forced. Luke wanted to hug Michael and apologize for everything, but he knew that would make it worse. Luke knew Michael didn’t want him to apologize, so Luke didn’t. If this would fix them, then Luke would compromise. They would live on.

“Did you leave him at the hotel?” Calum asked, still on the subject of Ashton’s whereabouts.

“Yes, Calum, we left our damn drummer at the hotel 30 minutes before we were supposed to be taking the stage for rehearsal. Thought we’d be fine without him.”

Michael erupted in laughter from Luke’s statement. Calum just rolled his eyes. “Then where the hell is he?!”

“Let’s go find him before Calum starts crying.” Michael suggested, and the three boys went in search of their older band mate.

~~~

Rehearsal went as smoothly as it possibly could have. The interviews and pictures were a little bit trickier – Luke just tried to avoid Michael as much as he could without being obvious. He felt like he was on autopilot, just going with the flow of the night, posing when a camera was shooting, and answering questions when asked. He let loose more when they were performing – it was easier to forget his inner turmoil when he was on stage doing what he loved most. But every time he glanced to his right, he’d see Michael, and it never failed to set him off balance.

He couldn’t live the rest of his career like this. He was going to have to do something. Ignoring it was getting him nowhere; he was actually now pretty sure it was making things worse at this point. But he didn’t know what he could do or say to make it better.

The ride back to the hotel was weird. Ashton was silent and on his phone the entire way – which almost NEVER happened, especially right after a show. Michael was on the phone with his mum, attempting to figure out time zones and what time they would be arriving in Sydney. Calum was the only one who seemed to have any energy in him at all, spending most of it either trying to get Ashton to talk or poke Michael’s sides to make him squirm and hit him for distracting him. Luke felt oddly ignored, but he tried to be grateful for this time he had to himself.

They got to the hotel and went straight back to their rooms to pack for the long flight ahead of them. Luke was trying his hardest to not be nervous about being in the room alone with Michael again, when upon exiting the elevator the red head gasped behind him.

“What is it?” Calum asked, stopping in his tracks.

“I left my fucking laptop there.” Michael’s hands went to his face and he was rubbing his eyes. He looked exhausted, and like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Luke knew it was his fault. “I brought it this morning when I went with you to get your string fixed, and while we were getting ready for rehearsal I left it in the hair dressing room.”

“Fuck, Michael.” Calum said, shaking his head.

“I’ll go back with you to get it. “ Ashton said immediately, walking back to the elevator. “I’ll call Feldy and let him know.”

“Fuck, I’m so stupid.” Michael said, turning to follow Ashton back into the elevator.

“No you’re not.” Luke heard himself say in a voice barely above a whisper.

Michael stopped and turned around to face him, giving him the first genuine smile he’s given him all day. “Pack some stuff for me? I promise I’ll get back in time to do the bulk of it, but maybe just like throw all my stuff in one corner?”

“You planned this didn’t you?” Calum accused, a hint of a smile on his face. “Making Luke do your dirty work for you?”

“If that was my plan, Calum, I wouldn’t have left my most prized possession to do so.” Michael rolled his eyes and ran down the short hall to the elevator. “Be back in 20 minutes tops!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Luke said, grinning ever so slightly as he turned back to continue down the hall.

~~~

He stood in the silence of his room for a moment, just staring at everything of his and Michael’s. There were empty water bottles scattering the desk, along with some wrappers and trash and leftovers from their hotel breakfast the day before. He also noted the remote to the TV in the far corner of the room, lying where it had been thrown two nights ago when Ashton had gotten mad at Michael and Calum for noting the similarities between Ashton and Sid, the character from the movie they were watching, “Ice Age”. Ashton was of course overreacting in throwing the remote, resulting in the other three boys to double over in laughter, happy tears springing from their eyes.

Luke smiled at the memory. He loved his band; they were his three best friends. He was so lucky to be able to travel the world, and do what he loves most with the people he loves most. He hated himself for falling in love with Michael, and fucking everything up in the process. But even more so, he was sick of hating himself and everything around him, and letting his bitter vibes brush off on those near him.

He distracted himself from those thoughts by lifting Michael’s suitcase on the bed and beginning to throw stuff in it. Unexpectedly, the door was opening and Calum walked in, and sat on the bed beside the suitcase. For a few minutes, there was silence between them, Luke continuing to pack Michael’s clothes in his bag while Calum just sat in his presence. The two were so comfortable in each other’s silence, it made Luke smile. Their eyes met and Calum beamed back.

Luke suddenly felt overwhelming guilt for not telling Calum anything. Calum was one of the most understanding people he knew. Sure, he wasn’t always the best for advice – not like Ashton was – but he always had his arms open to comfort his friends when they were in need. And Luke was desperately in need of a friend.

“Whenever you want to,” Calum said, drawing Luke’s attention back to him when it had faltered, “Just know I’m here.”

“What?” Luke asked in confusion.

“You know…” Calum paused, as if second guessing his motives. “Whenever you want to talk about it. I won’t say anything to the other guys. You can trust me.”

Luke stopped moving completely and felt his cheeks turn red. Calum just smiled at him, and awkwardly reached up to pat him on the shoulder. “No pressure, though.” The dark haired boy said kindly, as he stood up and walked for the door.

Luke watched him for a second, taking it all in, and before he could process what he was doing, he called after him.

“Calum?”

Calum halted and swung his head around, eyes looking hopeful.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that.” Luke said honestly, looking down at his hands. He wanted to sink into a hole where he was, and not be standing in front of his band mate like this. He felt naked and exposed.

Calum nodded, swaying on his feet. “Okay. That’s fine.”

“But you can help me with one thing.” Luke got brave for a moment, standing taller behind his words.

“What is it?” Calum asked, looking more serious about this than the blond had ever seen him before.

Luke took a deep breath, and looked away from the older boy before speaking.

“How do I tell him?” His voice was small and coarse when he spoke; embodying all of the feelings he had been feeling in the past week. When he finally had the courage to look back up at Calum, the dark haired boy looked like he was pondering the question, his arms crossed and his lips pursed. Luke immediately regretted asking for advice – he knew Calum didn’t like giving it because he felt like he could never give enough of it.

“I…guess, just tell him?” Calum said. He looked uncomfortable and Luke felt sorry for doing this to him. “He’s your best friend, and he loves you Luke. You can’t ruin that.”

“I might already have.” Luke walked to the wall and pressed his back against it, leaning his head back and closing his eyes in frustration with himself.

“Bullshit. You two were fine today, weren’t you?”

“I suppose.” Luke rubbed his eyes. He was beginning to regret starting this conversation. He wanted to run away from it, like he always had been all along, but now he physically couldn’t. He couldn’t tell if this was for the better or worse. He forced himself to stay on the subject.

“But it’s more difficult than that. I can’t just…I would never be able to say it right, while still maintaining my composure. You see how hard it is for me to say this to you? And I can’t even say it completely out loud! Even though you know exactly what it’s about!”

Calum was frozen in his spot, staring at Luke, appearing as if his brain was struggling to come up with an idea. Luke almost wished Calum would just come over and give Luke a hug instead of responding, but he also knew he would break down in tears once again if that happened. He didn’t want to cry for a second time in the past 24 hours.

“You…could always write it down?” Calum suggested, running a hand through his hair. “Even if you don’t give it to him…it could make you feel better?”

Luke contemplated Calum’s suggestion. Maybe writing it down would help him tell Michael everything without forgetting anything. It could also help him get his thoughts straight enough to where he could articulate his feelings correctly, so they weren’t just a jumbled mess in his head.

“Sorry, that’s probably stupid.” The dark haired boy was shaking his head.

“No, it’s not.” Luke said finally. “It’s actually a great idea. Thank you, Cal.”

“Anytime.” Calum was beaming, large and bright, and then finally walked over to Luke and pulled him into a hug. Luke hugged him back tight, keeping his tears inside and feeling somehow stronger than he felt before. They hugged for a long time, until Calum finally let go, punching Luke playfully in the arm, saying “When you’re ready.” He then exited the room, leaving Luke again in his thoughts.

Luke didn’t want to think about it. He was always overthinking everything to the point of deciding to do nothing, which was getting him nowhere. He went straight for his backpack and pulled out his notebook that he used for lyrics and flipped to a new page, and began writing what he felt, with no holding back, letting his emotions seep into the paper out of his body.

~~~

The blond took a deep breath as he dropped the pencil after finishing his letter. He rubbed his eyes, which were now getting dry and tired, and he stretched his back as well. Luke had managed to write his heart out onto the paper in front of him, double sided, and it actually made him feel a lot better than before. He read over his letter, now completed:

_Dear Michael,_

_I’m sorry for being so weird the last few days, and I think you deserve to know why.  I don’t really know how to say it out loud…or really at all. But I’ll try my best for you._

_I’m in love with you, Mikey._

_I don’t know how it started or why, but it did. I thought if I could push it away and ignore it, it would just vanish. But it won’t. Every time you’re next to me, every time I see your smile, it’s there – my love for you, burning a hole in my chest, clouding every corner of my mind. It hasn’t helped that I can’t tell anyone without beginning to sob, or even admit it to myself without breaking down every time. I’ll never be able to fully express how much I love you, out loud or on paper, but it’s more than I ever imagined I could._

_But I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I did this to myself. I know you don’t feel the same, and I want you to know that’s okay. You don’t owe me anything. And if you’re willing to, I would love to remain best friends with you. It will take some time, but I know I can get over this._

_So this is everything I didn’t say. From the first night back, when I couldn’t stop staring at your beautiful lips, to when I cried the whole way home from Taylor Swift’s party. From pushing you off me when you gave me that love bite ~~when I really wanted you to continue,~~ to drunkenly climbing on top of you and kissing you, against your will in my drunken state. I’ve made a lot of mistakes the past few days that I’m not so proud of. But out of all the mistakes I’ve made, not telling you the truth tops the list. I’ll never lie to you again. I love you, Michael. You’re the best human that walks this Earth, and I’m perfectly fine with calling you my best friend for the rest of my life. _

_You got me good, Clifford._

_Love, Luke_

Luke had so much more he could say, but he thought this was enough. He didn’t want to overwhelm Michael any more than he had to. He ripped the paper carefully from his notebook and folded it in half, writing “To Michael” on the small white space there was. The blond then realized he didn’t know how he was going to give it to Michael, but before he could decide he heard the red head’s voice outside of the hotel door, laughing at something Ashton said. Luke began to panicked, so before he could change his mind, he set the letter on Michael’s open suitcase, in plain sight. He quickly grabbed his own suitcase – as well as his backpack and other belongings – and headed for the door. He opened it a second before Michael could.

“Hey!” The older boy said, smiling big, but then frowned when he saw Luke’s arms full of his things. “Wait, where are you going?”

“To the lobby.” Luke said, trying to not sound or look nervous – but he could already feel his cheeks heating up. “I’m going to drop off my stuff and get in the car. We leave in like 10 minutes anyways, right?”

“Oh…right.” Michael seemed a disappointed Luke was leaving him. Luke wondered if maybe Michael was planning to talk and figure everything out. He was already second guessing the letter. “Well, I think Cal’s down there too. I’ll be down soon!”

“Okay.” Luke said, turning his back to continue down the hall. As he waited for the elevator, he took a deep breath and told himself over and over not to regret the letter. Telling Michael was the right thing to do, not just for himself, but for the older boy as well. His streak of mistakes was ending here.

~~~

“Why is it every time WE run late, Mikey and Ashton get mad, but the moment THEY’RE late, they tell us to chill out?” Calum asked as he slid into the car seat next to Luke. They were in a big van that had the seats facing each other.

“Was Ashton the one you texted?” Luke asked, rubbing his sweaty palms on his skinny jeans.

“Yeah,” Calum responded, pulling his seat belt on. “Though I blame Ashton. He wasn’t even packed at all when I left the room. He’s usually the one ready before everyone else.”

“Weird.” Luke said, looking out the window into the darkness. He began to make out shapes in the distance – Michael and Ashton, walking towards the car. Luke could barely make out any of Michael’s facial expressions as he watched him handed his suitcase off to someone to pack in the back of the car. When they got to the car door, Luke held his breath.

“’Sup boys?” Ashton said as he opened the car door, scooting in to sit across from Luke. Michael followed in suit, and Luke examined him closely. He had a snapback on, and was wearing the same clothes from earlier that night. He looked pretty normal, except for one thing; he wouldn’t look at Luke. The blond gulped hard. He had expected something along the lines of this – Michael being a little embarrassed – but not to the point of ignoring Luke completely. Luke decided he just needed to be patient. Michael could just be waiting for them to be alone to say anything to the younger boy, Luke thought optimistically.

“What was taking you guys so long?” Calum asked, resting back in his seat a little bit. “I thought Michael was nearly all packed.”

“Oh. We were…talking.” Ashton said finally, not without taking a quick glance at Luke, then looking back at the phone in his hands. Luke felt like he could vomit. He again gulped down on his saliva hard as the car started driving to the airport.

“About what?” Calum asked, completely oblivious. Luke wanted to smack him.

“About how much we like Luke more than you.” Michael said, eyes not leaving his cell phone.  Luke’s stomach flipped and the car went silent for a moment, until Michael started grinning and he and Ashton started to laugh. Luke chuckled along nervously.

“Thanks.” Calum was shaking his head, but there was a smile on his face. “So who’s ready for this 14 hour flight ahead of us?”

“Soooooo ready.” Luke said sarcastically, feeling brave. He looked up to Michael, half hoping he would acknowledge him and half hoping he wouldn’t. Instead, Michael was staring at Ashton.

“Ashton sure is ready, aren’t you, Ash?” Michael said, with a tight grin on his face. Ashton shook his head. Calum and Luke stared in confusion.

“Well, boys, I have an announcement.” Ashton said, clapping his hands together. He looked back and forth between Luke and Calum. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke again.

“I’m going to be staying in LA for a few extra days! Feldy asked me to go to this school with hi –”

“WHAT!?” Calum exclaimed, a horrified look covering his face. “You’re not – you’re going to be staying – WHAT?”

For the first time, Michael and Luke’s eyes met, but they were sharing glances of amusement at Calum. They both broke into laughter. The dark haired boy didn’t find it as funny.

“What the fuck, Ashton? Is that why you didn’t have anything packed? Why didn’t you tell me? Did you tell these two and not me!?”

“Of course not, Calum!” Ashton looked hurt by Calum yelling at him. “I literally just told Michael before we got in the car. The only reason I didn’t tell you guys was because I was still deciding myself whether or not to stay. It’s only for a few days to do some activities with Feldy. We probably wouldn’t have seen each other during that time anyways; we would all be with our families.”

“The flight back is going to be boring now.” Calum said quietly, arms crossed and looking out the window indignantly.

“I think you’ll be alright.” Michael said, rolling his eyes. Calum scoffed.

Not losing his bad mood, Ashton began digging through his backpack and pulled out some index cards.

“I almost forgot!” Ashton began passing out index cards to everyone, giving everyone one card each. “While I’m here, I’m going to be doing some Christmas shopping. So I thought it would be a good idea for all of us to write down what we want from each other on a card! Yknow, keep it organized and shit.”

“I want you to come back with us…” Calum said bitterly, taking the pen Ashton handed him and began to write.

As amazing as it sounds, Luke falling in love with Michael had nearly made him forget about Christmas being so soon. It was only a week away, and he had no idea what he wanted. He glanced around at the other boys. The moment Michael got his pen, he immediately wrote down one answer, folded the card in half and set it aside to work on the others. Luke noticed that the card Michael had finished first had his name on it, making his stomach flip again. Luke didn’t even let himself begin to think about any negative thing Michael could’ve written in his card.

He preoccupied himself with writing what he wanted from the other boys. He wrote funny things in Calum and Ashton’s – asking Ashton for a new Ketchup, and Calum for new socks since he’s always stealing his – but he was drawing a blank when it came to Michael. Luke glanced around the car again, seeing Michael and Calum completely finished and Ashton approaching the finish line. Luke struggled with his thoughts for a moment before dawning on what he should write. He scribbled it down quickly before he could change his mind.

“Alright! Let’s trade!” Ashton said excitingly, handing out his cards. “Also, no looking at the answers before we separate!”

They all traded cards in a messy fashion, ending up with a majority of them being thrown at each other viciously. Ashton resulted in yelling at them to stop and act like the adults they were, even though Michael swore Ashton was the one who started it in the first place (it wasn’t) (it was definitely Michael who started it).

~~~

It was about halfway through the flight when Luke finally plucked up enough courage to open Michael’s notecard to him. He had made an honest attempt to fall asleep, but the unknown information on the card was keeping him awake. The blond glanced over his shoulders to look at the red head, he found Michael fast asleep. When they had finally taken their seats on the plane, Calum sat directly behind Luke, and Michael sat behind them two rows diagonally.  

Luke stared at the folded notecard on the pull-out tray in front of him. It was lying there, taunting him, before he finally took it between his fingers. He paused a moment, reminded himself to breathe, and then opened it.

Surprised was an understatement. Luke took one look at the card and closed it again, glancing around violently, making sure he was awake and this was real life. He opened it again, slowly, reading the one word printed on the card over and over again, until his heart began to feel full and warm and thrilled all at once.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, and he feared for a second it was Michael, coming to yell at him for breaking the rules. But when he turned around, all he saw was a sleepy Calum, yawning and then smirking at the blond with an eye brow raised. “Ready to talk about it now?”

~~~

Luke knocked on Michael’s door in front of him. It had been 3 days since he had last seen the boy, and he couldn’t contain his excitement to see him – especially after he had seen what the red head had written what he wanted from him.

The younger boy heard the door unlock in front of him, and he could feel nervous enthusiasm rush through his veins as it opened.

Right inside the door, there stood the boy of his dreams, sporting the biggest smirk of his life. He had a red Christmas bow on his head, matching the one on Luke’s. They were both started laughing hysterically at the coincidence, before Michael pulled the card out of his pocket, opening it to show Luke.

“I guess we had similar wish lists this year?” He said with a wide smile.

“I suppose we did.” Luke said, pulling Michael’s card out of his own pocket as well.

It was something that would have never happened in Luke’s wildest dreams, but here he was, Michael standing in front of him, wanting exactly what Luke wanted from him too. They had both written the same phrase. It was one word that summed up everything they wanted from the other. The thing Luke wanted most, but never actually thought he would have.

_“YOU.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...???  
> IM CRYING I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please leave comments/kudos or visit me at muketrash.tumblr.com to let me know how it made you feel! I'll try to update the last chapter of this within the next week, uni class work permitting. Until then, Love you all, thank you again for everything! xx
> 
> Please leave comments/kudos or hit me up on my [tumblr!](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO HELLO! I am so happy to announce that this is the final chapter and THINGS GET FREAKY (not really but Michael and Luke finally touch each other so that's fun). I just want to thank everyone again for all of the kind messages, I've read every single one of them and they've all touched my heart. Anyways, no more waiting! HERE YOU GO!

“Here’s where I’m going to put the couch.” Michael said, motioning with his right hand to the space in front of him. His left hand was in Luke’s right.

“And over here,” he continued, leading Luke across the room, not letting go of him for anything, “is where I’m going to put a big ass TV, when I get it.”

“Well, you’re going to have a busy break, aren’t you?” The blond said, hoping Michael couldn’t see the blush that covered his face. It had been about 4 days since Luke had first found out that his feelings for Michael were mutual, but he still couldn’t believe it. He and the red head had agreed (via text) that they would meet at Michael’s house at noon two days before Christmas, exactly 3 hours before Calum and Ashton would be there. Luke assumed Michael just wanted to talk about everything; just the two of them. But the younger boy could help but hope he might want something more. The mere thought of it sent goose bumps down Luke’s body, and was the cause of his blush.

“It’s like I physically have to keep busy now.” Michael explained as he sat down on the old couch in the storage room they were in, that would soon be Michael’s “man cave”.  He pulled Luke down to sit with him. “I’m so used to being busy every single second of every single day on tour, and now to just have all this free time…It’s killing me”

“I know what you mean.” Luke said, looking to where his and Michael’s hands were intertwined. He noticed Michael was staring at them too, so he cleared his throat to speak up.

“So…should we talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Michael said, cocking an eyebrow. Luke could tell he was trying his hardest not to smile.

“You know…” Luke said, not looking at Michael. He was afraid if he did he would attack him with kisses everywhere, and even though he knew now Michael wouldn’t mind, Luke didn’t want to come on strong.

“I actually have no idea what you’re talking about.” Michael said, leaning back on the sofa with a confused look on his face. “Could you be a little more specific?”

Luke rolled his eyes at his annoying band mate. “About us, dummy!”

“OH!” Michael said, as if he had just now finally caught on. “THAT’S what you wanted to talk about! All you had to do was say so!”

“I hate you.” Luke said, not holding back his enormous grin.

He was staring at his feet when he felt a hand cup the side of his face. Michael’s hand turned his face to look at him, and before Luke knew what was happening, he felt Michael’s lips on his, kissing him with a lot of force. The younger boy gasped in surprise, and Michael, sensing his shock, pulled away immediately.

“Was that not okay!?” He asked Luke, desperately looking into his eyes to see if he had hurt him.

“No – I mean yes – I mean, I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” Luke’s chest was rising and falling fast, and he hated himself for getting so flustered. “I definitely want to kiss you again, I just – maybe a little warning next time? I’m dumb, sorry.”

“Luke,” Michael said, waiting for Luke to calm down a little before speaking again. When he did, the red head took Luke’s hands in his again. “I want you to stop apologizing for things you don’t need to. The kiss was my fault – I just got so excited, with you sitting in front of me, knowing you love me back – just the whole realization that _you’re mine now._ It just hit me. And I really wanted to kiss you. But I should’ve given you more warning. _I’m_ sorry. We can take things as slow as you want.”

Luke felt his entire heart swell with admiration for the boy in front of him, and he was just so overjoyed and full of love that he leaned forward and kissed Michael with about twice as much force as Michael had fist kissed him. The blond sneaked a hand out of Michael’s grasp and placed it on the older boy’s chest. Luke could feel Michael grin against the kiss, as he snaked his free arm around to the younger boy’s back. Luke, now feeling brave, ran a finger over one of Michael’s nipples, making him gasp out so Luke could deepen the kiss as he pleased.

The two made out like this for a long time, before Luke finally came up for air. He was breathing heavily as his eyes stayed glued to Michael’s red, bruising lips, slightly parted.

Michael chuckled. “You’re such a nerd.”

“Really?” Luke’s shoulders dropped as he glared at Michael. “We just made out for, like, 20 minutes – and the first thing you do after is call me a nerd!?”

Michael laughed out. “If you really thought that was 20 minutes, you have an incredibly poor sense of time.”

“You’re the worst.” Luke said, feeling his face grow red – from embarrassment this time – as he rested his head on Michael’s shoulder.

“I’m just kidding, Lukey.” Michael was trying to pull Luke into a hug, but Luke wouldn’t have it. He shot his head back up.

“So this doesn’t change anything?” Luke accused. “You’re still going to bully me all the time?”

“Hey, you fell in love with me when I was always bullying you,” Michael leaned back, hands behind his head and feet propped up on an old cardboard box. “It’s your own fault.”

“Well…now that I know you like me, you have to be nice to me!” Luke said, poking Michaels under arm, making him squirm. “Those are the rules!”

“Who said you could make the rules?” Michael argued back.

Luke thought for a second. “I told you how I felt about you first. So I think I have a right to some leverage over you.”

Michael pondered over Luke’s statement for a second, and then nodded. “That sounds far. Fine, I won’t make fun of you constantly. But feel free to tell me when you begin to miss it.” He said, adding a wink at the end of his sentence. It made Luke’s heart beat slightly faster.

“Speaking of which…” Luke said carefully, as he cautiously leaned himself into Michael’s side. _He was so warm_. “You haven’t really told me your side of the story yet.”

There was a pause in the room, and Michael was the first to break it by sighing deeply. “You’re right.”

“Will you?” Luke asked, getting impatient. He was trying hard not to, but it had been eating away at him from the very first moment he read Michael’s card on the plane days ago.  He needed to know the truth.

“Of course, Lukey.” Michael said, putting an arm around Luke and snuggling into him. “Can we go in my room first? It’s kind of a long story.”

“Really? And sure.” Luke’s insides were buzzing from excitement and nervousness as they walked down the hall, to the last door on the right. Luke knew the way there like the back of his hand.

He would finally stop having to make up stories in his head of how Michael had begun to like Luke. He was going to know the true story, which was exhilarating and scary all at the same time. But the blond was ready for all of his questions to finally be answered.

Michael laid on the bed on his side, facing where Luke had sat down himself. “Ask away, princess.” Michael said, smiling – but Luke could tell something was off about him. The younger boy frowned.

“Is everything okay?” Luke asked in an unsure voice.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Michael said, sitting himself up more on the headboard, crossing his arms. “It’s just…kind of embarrassing.”

“Can’t be more embarrassing then my story.” Luke said smiling, trying to make Michael feel comfortable.

“I find that hard to believe.” Michael laughed uneasily.

“You know there’s nothing you can say to change how I feel about you, right?” Luke asked, reaching a hand out for Michael’s, entangling it out of his other hand. “I mean, you trust me right?”

“I know.” Michael said, taking another deep sigh, and then opening his arms for Luke to fall into. Instead, Luke motioned for Michael to lie in his arms to be cuddled. They switched positions, letting Luke rest on the headboard, outstretched arms for Michael and Michael only. Once they were all snuggled together, Michael started to talk.

“First of all, it started a while ago. A long, long time ago.” He emphasized, shifting slightly in Luke’s arms to get more comfy.

“How long?” Luke said, as Michael’s pause had lasted an unusual amount of time.

“Like…school?” Michael said, tensing up in Luke’s arms.

“Really?!” Luke said, almost excitingly. That was a lot earlier than Luke had ever imagined. “So wait, is that why you initially hated me? Because you had a crush on me?!”

“Oh, hell no.” Michael said, slapping Luke’s arm. “I fucking hated your guts in year nine. There was no fakeness behind that.”

“Thanks.” Luke said sarcastically. “What happened to the no bullying rule?”

“Oh right, sorry.” Michael said, a hint of a real smile on his face. “Damn, this is going to be hard to get used to.”

“Anyways…” Luke said, prompting Michael to continue his story.

“Okay, okay.” Michael said, “So we hated each other in year nine, in year ten we became friends over music, blah blah blah. At first, I thought you were just a really great friend to me. Nothing special. It wasn’t until I realized how jealous and possessive I was over you that made me begin to think differently about you.

“When it was just Calum, I brushed it off easily. I assumed the reason I was jealous was because you two were my best friends – and really my only friends – and you both were growing closer to each other than I was with either one of you. So that’s how I justified that jealousy. Things changed a little when I realized I was getting jealous over you and Aliesha.”

“You were jealous of Aliesha?” Luke asked, completely astonished.

“I know. Pretty pathetic, right?” Michael shook his head. “I even tried to justify that jealousy by thinking ‘you were focusing more on her than the band’. You just seemed so happy and in love with her, and it angered me to see you act affectionate with anyone other than me. I was so scared and confused as to why I felt that way. You could never imagine what it felt like.”

“I feel like I have a pretty good idea.” Luke grimaced as he recalled the birthday party he was at a few weeks ago, when he watched how close Michael and Taylor got throughout the night.

“Really?” Michael asked, intrigued.

Luke shook the memory out of his head. “Yeah, but I’ll tell you about it later. Please continue.”

“Alright.”  Michael placed his head on Luke’s chest. “Nevertheless, over time I began to wonder if I was feeling something a little stronger than friendship for you. The thought of liking a boy terrified me, so I pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

“Luckily, it wasn’t that hard to do  – soon enough, we found Ashton and began touring Australia. Then, before we knew it, we were traveling across the world to London to write songs, and become an actual band. I categorized all my feelings for you as simple ‘friend jealousy’, and I assumed it would go away now that you and Aliesha had broken up…but it didn’t.”

Michael was tense again, so Luke cuddled him closer. The blond pressed his lips to Michael’s temple, a soft touch, keeping them there for a good 10 seconds before pulling back. This calmed the older boy, and he continued.

“Every time you snuggled with Calum, every time you and Ashton would go on adventures…it hurt. It physically _hurt_ me. When Ashton and I would go to the studio to write songs, the only person that would enter my mind was you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Luke, like no one else in the world mattered to me except for you. It was actually terrifying.

“When we would spend time together, just you and me – whether it was playing video games, going on walks, or just watching a movie together – it would start out fine. But after a while, I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about how much I wanted to kiss you, and…be with you. Romantically. And I knew you would never reciprocate these feelings.

“I could literally feel it tearing our friendship apart. You were my most important friend – of course, Calum was important to me too, and Ashton was getting there – but they didn’t connect with me like you did. You always meant something different to me. And since I didn’t know exactly what my feelings were for you, I decided to do some…”

Michael trailed off, and Luke was honestly about to tell him to forget it and just cuddle him for the rest of the day. The red haired boy seemed so stressed and ashamed, and Luke hated being the reason to bring up these bad feelings. But before Luke could do so, Michael finished his sentence.

“…experimenting.”

Sensing Luke’s confusion, Michael continued. “Remember when you went home for Christmas, and Calum and Ashton went to Scotland? And I stayed in London?”

“Yeah…?” Luke said, wondering where this was going.

“Well…while you guys were gone…I went out to clubs. A lot.”

Luke gulped. He had a sickening suspicion of where this was going, but he was praying he was wrong. He wasn’t.

“And I did some things…with some guys…”

“Aw, Mikey.” Luke said as carefully as he could, trying to not to sound demeaning to Michael. “Why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped you in some way! Maybe not in that way, at that time, but you didn’t have to –”

“No, but it’s okay.” Michael said, squeezing Luke lightly to get him to stop talking. “Yes, it was a poor decision and I could have gotten in trouble or hurt. I realize this now. But at the time, I just needed to know. I needed to know if this was a part of me, and I was across the world in a city that no one else knew me or could judge me. It was the perfect time to find out. And I turned out fine. None of the guys I did things with hurt me or took advantage of me.”

“You got lucky.” Luke scolded, feeling defensive of the boy in his arms. He wanted to keep Michael safe from the cruel world for the rest of his life, if he could. “Um…what exactly did you do with them?”

“I didn’t sleep with them.” Michael stated firmly. “But we did go as far as we could’ve gone without doing it.”

Luke nodded. He could tell Michael wasn’t going to give him any more information than that, and Luke was honestly fine with that. The mixture of jealously and fear for Michael was already stirring in his stomach with the little detail of events he knew, and he didn’t want it to get worse.

“Anyways,” Michael continued, sounding stronger now that he had gotten past that part of his story, “Because of that, I found out that I did like guys romantically, and I came to terms with it. I also came to terms with the way I felt about you, and that I was going to have to stop. So I did.”

“Just like that?” Luke asked. “How?”

“No.” Michael said, chuckling. “I don’t think anyone could ever get over your charming self that quickly. It took some time.”

Luke was blushing again. “How long?”

The older boy was silent for a moment, thinking it over. “I don’t know…6 months? Maybe less? I think I can say officially during the American leg of the Take Me Home tour I was over you.”

Luke’s blush had faded and his smile had fallen. “So did your crush on Harry help you get over me?”

“What?” Michael asked, moving to look up at Luke for the first time since they laid down.

“Nothing.” The blond had already regretted saying it. He wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to hear the truth about Michael’s relationship with Harry, now or ever.

“You thought I had a crush on Harry?” Michael asked, and then burst into an insane laughter. He had to sit up from Luke’s arms to not choke on his spit from laughter.

“Shut up.” Luke said, covering his face with his hands.

“I never liked Harry like that, Luke.” Michael confirmed, then his face morphed into a smirk. “But it’s nice to know you were jealous of me for once, instead of the other way around.”

“Shut UP.” Luke said again, punching Michael in the chest. Michael seemed too pleased with the fact Luke was jealous to care.

“Is that when you began to like me?” Michael asked excitingly.

Luke shook his head no. “This is more…recent.”

“Oh.” Michael looked disappointed.

“Wait,” Luke began, “How did you fall in – I mean, when did you begin to like me again?”

Michael pondered this question. “I don’t really know, honestly. I guess maybe when I was alone in America for that one week. You were really the only one who made an effort to contact me every day, and it meant the world to me. I wasn’t doing well that week. I felt stupid for losing my passport, and I felt like I was letting the fans down. The only thing that made me feel better was you. I looked forward to your calls and texts every day, but something was different. And even though it had been years…the feeling was all too familiar.

“I didn’t want to believe it. I was trying to find things to distract myself every time the thoughts came up, but it was always there, haunting me. What really helped me was the whole Taylor thing.”

Luke visibly winced, but Michael didn’t seem to notice. He kept talking.

“When I started talking to her, I was so excited about becoming her friend that it helped me not think about these growing feelings for you. But it was overall a hopeless plan. The moment I saw you in the airport after being in the US alone for so long, I knew I had fallen in love with you again.”

Luke felt his stomach flip. ‘I had fallen in love with you’ echoed over and over again in his mind, his heart filling with contentment and excitement all at once. Luke’s eyes met Michael’s, and he was smiling back.

“Have you told your parents yet?” Michael asked.

“Yup.” Luke responded, folding his hands together on his stomach. “I told them not long after we got back. My brothers, too. Surprisingly, they weren’t surprised. But I knew they wouldn’t care one way or the other.”

“Good. I’m happy for you.” Michael patted Luke’s thigh, and all the blond wanted to do was pull Michael into him. But some of his questions were still unanswered.

“What about your parents? Do they know?”

“What? About you, or that I like boys?”

“…both.”

“They’ve known I was bi for years.” Michael said as he repositioned himself so he was lying next to Luke. “I told them about you the day we got back.”

“Were they the first people to know? About me?” Luke added.

“No. Ashton was.”

“Oh. What did he say?”

“I told him the morning after you came in drunk.” Michael explained. “I asked if we could go to breakfast, and he automatically knew something had happened between us for me to be awake so early. I thought about making something up, like I always had before, but its different now. Ashton’s one of my best friends. I couldn’t lie to him about this.”

“What did he say?”

“First off, he absolutely couldn’t believe that I was bi, which was actually hilarious. Then, he was sympathetic for all of two seconds before going off about how dangerous it could be for us to be together, in case we ever broke up or something. But eventually, after a lot of explaining, he gave us his blessing.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Luke said sarcastically while rolling his eyes.

“I’m glad I told him, though. Ashton always gives good advice. He eventually came up with the idea of writing what we wanted for Christmas down, so that I could tell you I wanted you. “

 “Lucky.” Luke grumbled. “I got sympathy but no advice by telling Calum.”

“Sorry.” Michael said, grinning pretty unapologetically.

“Speaking of the rhythm section…” Luke trailed off, hoping Michael would understand where Luke was heading. Michael shook his head.

“Has Calum said anything to you about it?”

“No.” Luke stated honestly. “But he has been super possessive of Ashton recently. Like, 10 times more than normal. Has Ashton said anything?”

Michael chuckled. “Let’s just say the reason Ashton stayed in LA a few extra days wasn’t just to help Feldy out with some things. He was looking at a special present for Calum.”

“Really!?” Luke sat up straight from surprise. “What was it?”

“He wouldn’t tell me.” Michael shook his head again. “But he didn’t say anything about it being…romantic or anything. I mean, he basically took the shit out of me when I told him I liked you. So I really doubt there’s anything ‘real’ going on between them.”

“Straight people are weird.” Luke concluded.

“Shut the fuck up. You were literally straight a month ago.” Michael accused.

“Don’t tell me to shut up!” Luke said loudly as he pushed Michael, almost pushing him off the bed.

In retaliation, Michael climbed on top of Luke, straddling him, and pinned his arm above his head. It was similar to the night that Michael did this when they were wrestling. Except everything was different this time. Luke looked up into the red head’s eyes, expecting a stupid smirk to be written across his face, but instead he was greeted by a gentile smile. There was something in Michael’s eyes that wasn’t there a week ago – nervous but desperate _want_. Michael brought his hand to the left side of Luke’s face, cupping it.

“Can I kiss you?” The older boy asked, sounding out of breath already.

Luke couldn’t help but chuckle and grab the front of Michael’s t-shirt tightly. “You don’t ever need to ask for permission to kiss me again.”

And with that, the blond pulled Michael down into him, lips pressing perfectly together as if they had been doing this forever instead of just that day. Luke was overly excited, moving his lips fast against the boy above him’s. Michael tightened his grip against Luke’s hands, making Luke gasp, giving Michael access to deepen the kiss. When the red head had control, he moved his mouth tortuously slow against Luke’s own, making groans arise in the blonde’s throat that never escaped his mouth.

Luke was so turned on, and so incredibly hard already that he thought his dick was going to explode. Luckily, Michael must have sensed the desperation in the boy underneath him, because seconds later he grinded down hard on Luke’s crotch. The younger boy’s eyes shot open, and then shut tightly as he moaned embarrassingly loud into Michael’s mouth.

“You like that?” Michael asked, smirking with his stupid beautiful mouth, creating more and more friction between their clothed dicks. Luke couldn’t form real words, so he just nodded, moving his hands from Michael’s shirt into the older boy’s red hair, tugging not so gently until Michael too was moaning. Michael’s hips were grinding down more sloppily as time went on, and all Luke wanted was to feel Michael’s skin on his fingertips.

Luke tugged at the collar of Michael’s t-shirt. Michael got the message, and sat up to rip it off his body. The younger boy made grabby hands for the red head’s torso, but Michael resisted.

“You too.” Michael said, sitting up and crossing his arms. Luke put his hands above his head, motioning for Michael to take it off himself. Michael rolled his eyes, but was smiling nonetheless. “You’re so silly. What would you do without me?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have this raging boner.” Luke said thoughtfully.

“Fuck,” Michael groaned out, mindlessly bucking down onto Luke’s dick, making Luke catch his breath. He then pulled Luke’s top off and ran his hands down his chest, every touch going straight to the blonde’s dick. Michael leaned down to catch Luke’s lips in a kiss again, hands flying over skin feverously.

Michael’s skin on his back where Luke was touching was so soft and warm. Luke ran his hand around to Michael’s front, all the way down to his hipbones. Luke’s thumb rubbed over it, pressing down lightly, emitting a sudden whimper from Michael’s mouth. It was probably the hottest thing Luke had ever heard, and with his adrenaline pumping through his veins, he flipped himself over so he was on top of Michael.

He moved down Michael’s torso, leaving small kisses as he descended. Luke had expected this to all feel foreign to him, being with a boy, but it wasn’t – because it was Michael. Luke knew the boy’s body well and had fallen in love with every bit of it. Michael’s body was one of the most familiar things in the world to Luke.

When he got to Michael’s hipbones, Luke looked up into the other boy’s eyes. Michael was staring back at him, stomach rising and falling at a fast pace, waiting for whatever Luke had in store for him.

“Can I leave marks?” Luke asked.

“ _Please.”_ Michael moaned out, resting his head back as he did.

Luke immediately kissed along the hills of Michael’s hipbones, making sure he didn’t miss a spot. When he got to a particularly sensitive spot on the left one, Luke without warning began to suck down hard. The blond had made sure to get a good grip on Michael’s hips before doing so, so Michael didn’t buck up when Luke did this. Luke could tell that the older boy was trying to not be too loud, but Luke selfishly wanted him to be. In an attempt to get Michael to be louder, Luke started biting and tugging at the skin on the already-forming bruise. Luke got what he wanted – Michael withering above him, moaning out little beautiful noises that the blond had been craving all along.

“Luke, please, I need – if you could – ohh.”

Luke blew on the new beautiful bruise he had marked onto Michael’s skin. Then he looked back up to Michael.

“What do you want?” He asked.

“Anything, honestly, I’ll take anything, I just –” Luke could sense the desperation in Michael’s voice.

Luke eyed Michael’s crotch and took a deep breath. He looked back up at Michael shyly. “You know I’ve never –”

“I know.” Michael said, lightly running his fingers through the sides of Luke’s hair. Luke melted into it. “Just – just try to do what you think you would enjoy. Don’t be nervous. I’m already so far gone I probably won’t last long anyways.”

“Who said I was nervous?” Luke said, trying to sound cocky, but the break in his voice contradicted it.

Under Michael’s stare, Luke undid his belt and pulled the older boy’s jeans down and off. He was left solely in his boxer briefs, and Luke put his thumbs underneath the waistband. He looked up at Michael one last time, just to see watch how badly he wanted this, before he returned his gaze back to the older boy’s bulge.

Luke pulled down his underwear in one swift motion, and watched as Michael’s dick slapped against his tummy. The blond was immediately overwhelmed with the size – he had seen Michael’s penis before, way too many times to count, but not when it was hard – and suddenly got very anxious and froze up. He wanted this to be perfect for Michael, but didn’t see a way in which he could make it perfect – he was so insanely inexperienced and nervous he didn’t know what to do.

“Hey,” Luke’s head shot up at the sound of Michael’s calm voice. The red head’s green eyes were glowing with admiration and care. “It’s okay, it’s just me.”

“I…I want this to be p-perfect for you.” Luke said, stuttering as he did.

“Luke, you’ve already made it perfect.” The older boy said above him, then referencing his dick with his hand. “Do you see what you’ve done to me?”

Luke was blushing hard, and couldn’t help but giggle. But that didn’t help the problem at hand.

“I don’t want to give you a shitty blowjob.” He finally said, avoiding Michael’s eyes.

“Impossible.” Michael said, running his fingers through Luke’s quiff that was already falling. “Besides, you’re going to have to learn from experience somehow.”

“But I want the first time we do anything sexual to be perfect…” Luke trailed off. He didn’t know if he was making any sense to Michael, but when he looked into Michael’s eyes, he knew Michael understood.

“Hand job?” Michael suggested, cocking an eyebrow.

Luke pondered for a minute, and realized that was probably his best option. He thought it would be hard for him to fuck up a hand job. He climbed all the way up to Michaels mouth again and slotted their lips together, moving with more fever than they had before.

Luke snaked his hand down and grabbed a hold of Michael’s dick, catching him off guard. The younger boy smeared some of the pre-come that had already come out on his fingers to make the whole process more pleasurable for the red head. The blond put his forehead against Michael, watching his facial expressions as he pumped the older boy’s cock in his hand. Michael was moaning and squeezing his eyes shut and gripping the sheets of the bed they were on. Michael moaned Luke’s name in the prettiest way, mouth only slightly opened, seeming like he was giving all his energy to say the younger boy’s name.

Luke was moving his fist faster and faster around Michael’s dick, and he watched as the tip disappeared with every stroke. The blond then swiped his thumb across the top gingerly, and with that and almost no warning Michael came on Luke’s hand, hot spurts coating his fist as his pumped him through his orgasm.

In Luke’s eyes, this was the prettiest he’s ever seen Michael – completely fucked out, mouth ajar in a silent moan, lips red and bruising from kissing, eyes closed from bliss. Luke kissed his neck softly, and explained that he needed to go get a towel to clean up.

“No need, there’s one in the drawer next to the bed. On the right.” Michael said, breathing low from coming down from his high.

Luke raised his eyebrows at him. “So you expecting something like this to happen?”

“Hoping, more like.” The older boy said as he watched Luke grab the towel to clean up. “Can I do you now?”

“I think my dick would be a little mad if you didn’t.” Luke said, throwing the towel aside.

With no warning, Michael grabbed Luke’s waist and flipped them, so he was once again on top. He looked into Luke’s eyes for a second, before ducking under his head to kiss Luke’s neck softly. Luke gasped out as Michael sucked hard when he had found the younger boy’s sweet spot underneath his ear.

“’M gonna leave a darker mark than last time.” Michael said when he came up for air, then going back down harder than before, biting down roughly, producing a deep groan from Luke. He worked Luke’s neck for several minutes, leaving Luke breathless and moaning. The blond was flailing underneath him, but even as good as Michael’s mouth felt on his neck, his dick was aching in his jeans, and needed some air.

“Mikey,” Luke breathed out, finally grabbing Michael’s back to get his attention. Michael pulled away from Luke’s neck, admiring his work, then his eyes returned to Luke’s. They had a conversation without any words – just with their eyes, until Michael was grinning wickedly.

“Want me to get you naked, Lukey?” Michael asked naughtily, reaching down to grip Luke’s bulge through his pants and squeeze. Luke groaned with frustration and lust, and then nodded eagerly.

“I’m gonna need to hear you say it.” The older boy said, kissing along Luke’s jaw.

Luke was so far gone and so fucking hard. He was making small breathy noises, and was barely able to catch his own breath to speak.

“Please, Mike – Michael.” Luke was panting at this point. “Please…take them off.”

“Anything for you.” Michael said into Luke’s ear, low and dirty. He unbuttoned Luke’s jeans, and pulled them and his underwear down at once, Luke lifting his hips to help. Luke watched as Michael stared at Luke’s dick hungrily, pupils wide with want, and the blond just couldn’t believe his luck. He was about to receive a blow job from the person he wanted most in the world, and if you told him a week ago he would be in this position, he wouldn’t have believed you.

Michael kitten-licked the tip of Luke’s dick, not breaking eye contact with the younger boy, and Luke thought he might just come right then – and embarrassing end to this long-awaited moment. Fortunately, Luke was able to hold himself together as he watched Michael wrap his lips around the top and move slowly down, and then come back up. Michael repeated this motion a few times, one hand at the base of Luke’s dick, and the other one caressing the younger boy’s thigh.

Luke’s moans increased in volume and quantity as Michael bobbed faster and faster, up and down while his eyes were closed softly. He swirled his tongue around the top of the blonde’s cock every time he reached it. At one point, the older boy groaned around Luke’s dick, and Luke could barely keep himself together.

“ _Michael,”_ Luke moaned out, unable to control himself anymore. “I’m so close, I –”

Just as the blond finished saying he was close, Michael took the entirety of Luke’s dick down his throat. Luke was so shocked at the sudden euphoric sensation from Michael deep throating him that he came instantly – head thrown back, eyes pressed tightly shut, a guttered version of Michael’s name escaping his throat in a moan.

The older boy rubbed Luke’s thigh as he came down from his high, and then when he was done he finally slipped his mouth off of the blond. Luke pulled Michael up to him to kiss him passionately, tasting himself on the red head’s tongue.

After many moments of kissing, the two boys moved so they were under the covers of the bed, cuddling into each other warmly. Luke looked up at Michael, from where his head was rested on the older boy’s chest.

“Your parents aren’t in the house, right?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Michael rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “I like how you waited until after I sucked your cock to ask that. But no; they’re both at work.”

“Good.” Luke said, snuggling in closer to Michael, grinning against his chest.

They lay in silence for a few moments, and Luke could hear Michael yawn above him.

“The other two will be here in, like, an hour.” Luke pointed out.

“That means 59 minutes of naptime with my boy.” Michael said in a sleepy voice, arms hugging Luke tighter.

“ _Your_ boy?” Luke asked as a smirk grew on his face.

“You heard me.” Michael said confidently. “Can’t I call the boy I love mine?”

Luke’s smirk was replaced with a deep blush on his cheeks. He didn’t know how to respond to that statement properly, but luckily before he could try Michael spoke again.

“Is that okay?”

“Is what okay?” Luke asked, not being able to hold back his smile anymore.

Michael chuckled nervously. “That I love you?”

Luke was beaming at the boy snuggling him. Michael was everything Luke had ever wanted, and would ever want. He was so in love.

“Of course.” He smiled, pulling Michael down to him for one last kiss before he snuggled under the sheets into the older boy’s chest. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments/kudos or hit me up on my [tumblr!](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/)


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